


All Things Must Pass

by womanwhowritesformany



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean Loves Reader - Freeform, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Dean Winchester/You - Freeform, Death, Demons, Drinking, Emotionally Repressed, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Family, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parental Bobby Singer, Protective Dean Winchester, Reader Loves Dean, Repressed Memories, SPN - Freeform, Season 3, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, Tags May Change, Tension, Violence, Winchester Brothers - Freeform, Witches, bisexual female reader - Freeform, flashbacks reveal backstory, season 4, supernatural fanfiction - Freeform, time jumps
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womanwhowritesformany/pseuds/womanwhowritesformany
Summary: Reader, her sister Stevie and the Winchesters reunite after not seeing each other in a few years. Ever since Dean told her to leave him and his issues behind, reuniting wasn’t what you expected it would be like. Hunting, past feelings, memories and the truth, along with the life threatening situation that was placed upon Dean Winchester, creates tension between you two and everything else.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Female Reader - Relationship, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	1. Suddenly

**Author's Note:**

> Season 3, 4--??  
> Dean Winchester X Female Reader
> 
> I don't know how to italicize on AO3, so if anyone wants to help... read closely in the chapter for the flashback.  
> The flashback starts at the line: "Dean, I know you want to protect me but you forget I do the same thing you do. How can you be so stubborn?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and their sister Stevie reunite with the Winchesters after a few years gone by. Reader is confronted with memories from the last conversation with Dean, and overbearing emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy the beginning of my female!reader Dean Winchester fic! 
> 
> italics=flashbacks
> 
> although this is a female!reader fic, feel free to use whichever pronoun you feel comfortable with.

Hunting was difficult, and sometimes exhilarating even. It was everything and it was a life you were born into. There was no running from it, at least that’s what you were taught; no leaving it all behind without a guilt of innocent lives in danger you know are always at risk. This was the life of you, your sister and the Winchesters. It was the life of your family in the past. The four of you shared similar stories and childhoods and even knew each other since you were all kids considering everyone's parents were hunters.  
It was rare though, you and Stevie seeing the Winchester brothers. Growing up through the years and raising your sister after the death of your parents was rough, but bumping into the boys and John was rare. When John wasn’t around, the four of you had spent time hanging out, or working on a case or two together. But when you all did meet up, it was like time hadn't passed. The two of you were the oldest of your siblings so you always looked out for Sam the same way Dean looked out for Stevie. But the way you both watch each other's backs, the shared intense gazes...there was always something there that the two of you could never even begin to explain. 

Flirting was a thing that always happened back and forth between Dean and you. It started when you were kids, teenagers, and it never stopped. At first it was just cute and a way to distract each other from the horrors of hunting but then as you got older there was some tension that both Sam and Stevie so obviously saw. 

There was jealousy among both sides, as Dean would see other girls and you would be seeing other guys. But neither of you said anything, because you were just kids trying to find some type of normalcy in an unconventional life you shared. But that’s also when the very rare hookups began that started out platonic but turned into something more as both your feelings lingered between each other. It wasn't spoken but it was known that Dean felt something more and so did you. 

And those feelings you two felt was nothing you could ever imagine in a life like this. Feelings like this could never be pursued in a hunters life, as Dean would think. You often wondered why couldn't they at least give it a try?

But losing people by the hands of a vampire, rougarou or a damn demon did make it worse to feel love for someone. It was bad enough the two of you had a younger sibling to protect, so there was never any mention of trying, not a word came out of you to let Dean know you wanted something, wanted him. 

You hadn’t seen them in a while, especially Sam. He left them to join college and Dean had stuck to hunting with his father, even after he went missing. When John was missing, Dean called you and Stevie to help him and Sam search for a while, but eventually he pushed you away to keep you and your sister safe once things got more dangerous. You protested his demands then obliged but never stopped helping or looking for their dad. It was the least you could do since John helped you and your sister when your parents died all those years ago. 

And ever since that night Dean told you to leave, you hadn't seen them again. But tonight you would have no idea you'd be encountering the Winchesters again. Without any idea of the weight they were about to lay on you. But here you are in Upstate New York, just shy of seven at night, getting ready to solve a case after you and your sister finished a hunt with werewolves a few days ago, just states away. 

The diner is blaring, filled with Christmas music playing, families, couples and teens talking over it. It’s stuffy from the heat blasting from the vents and crowded diner. The holiday season was upon everyone, the overbearing christmas decorations and the big glowing multicolor string lights hung throughout the walls of the diner. A few stray strings of tinsel lay on the checkered floor. Sam and Dean sit in a booth, the Christmas lights shining on them as they discuss a case they've been seeing through.

Dean checks out one of the waitresses that walk by him as he smirks to himself as Sam coughs trying to get his attention. He just turns his head at his brother and shrugs laughing before he takes a sip of beer.

“Back to the case, yeah?” Sam smiles as he types away on his laptop after handing over a file to his brother. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dean takes the file with aggressive force, exhausted from previous cases. “Let’s just hope this one doesn’t attract a certain woman psycho.”

“Bela?”

“That bitch is all types of nuts.” 

“Yeah well,” Sam shrugs, “we’ve got some important things to focus on Dean. Like vampires?”

“So, let me guess. The usual? Dead bodies poppin’ up at night all around town, drained of their blood and teeth marks on their necks?” 

Sam looks at him dumbfounded, “Sorta. Except some victims end up staying alive in a hospital.”

“There’s always a catch.” Dean gulps down some beer and rolls his eyes.

“Always.” 

You and Stevie walk side by side make your way to the diner counter without any idea you'd be seeing anyone you would know — even the Winchester boys. New York was a place you loved, because it reminded you how big the world is, and whenever you felt small growing up in a small town, the city made you feel like you could take on anything, be it monsters, ghosts or even your own issues. 

The last time you saw them was a few years back at Bobby's when you needed his and the boys help in finding your sister after a hunt went wrong. Thankfully they were there for you and like always, everyone worked well with each other.

Stevie shrugs off her faded large black jean jacket and drapes it over the back of the seat as she grabs two places at the counter. Your hands are still in your leather jacket pockets, still cold from the rainy and freezing atmosphere of Upstate. 

"Those damn werewolves the other night...god it really tired me out." Your sister says sighing once she sits down on the cushioned seat. 

"Yeah well we got the job done, that's how we do. On to the next." You smile smugly, turning your head to speak to a waitress. "Can we get two beers over here? Thanks."

"And two plates of fries!" Your sister adds.

Shifting around to lean your back against the counter, you peer out to the people sighing in annoyance. It was either too many people for your liking or you were sick being in these diners and even the road bars and being hit on way too much by men of all ages. It was rare to actually take a night off and get one of the men or women back into your motel for the night as Stevie hung around somewhere else.

But when you did get that night off, it was a great way to wind back and forget about the real shit that no one else but hunters can imagine.

Just as you were about to finish scanning the room you feel your sister nudge you. Turning back around to the counter you see your beer waiting nice and cold, water slipping down the bottle just waiting to be drunk. Drinking together was celebratory for your sister and you, and the only time you drank was whenever you beat the monsters with her. Other than that, you'd never drink.

“So,” Stevie begins, “Are we here for this vampire hunt or another one of your breaks?”

After gulping down a drastic amount of beer, you place it down on the counter then rest your elbows on the counter, as you stay leaning against it. 

“If I’m lucky, maybe both.” You say sarcastically, raising your eyebrows up and down before rolling your eyes. “Nah, whenever we finish this hunt I thought you might like to do some tourist bullshit in the city. We deserve some bonding time that doesn’t involve hunting.”

Stevie gasps dramatically, “No motel hookups for you? That’s surprising.” 

You laugh and hit her arm with the back of your arm. 

“I don’t even need to doubt that you’re my sister. Anyways, yes we deserve an actual break. One that doesn’t include drinking to get drunk or waking up with a person you don’t even know.” 

Stevie smiles and raises her beer bottle to you. 

“To a well deserved break.” 

You roll your eyes and grab your beer once you turn around, “To a well deserved break.” 

Just across the diner sitting in a booth, Dean shifts in his seat once he eyes the back of you and your sister from afar, standing at the counter with your backs turned. The leather jacket clings to your body just like the light blue jeans you wear. He bites his bottom lip almost as if he was in agony as his eyes were glossing from the top of your head to your back and down to your ass as he checked you out.

He doesn’t know it was either of you, but all he sees are two hot women from behind and he slammed his beer down in smiles.

“Dude.” Sam looks up at his brother once he stands up from the booth.

“Sam, we are in freaking New York. The chicks out here know what they want.”

He fixes his jacket, popping up his collar and takes a step forward. 

“We’re on a hunt! Besides, don’t be a creep, there’s families here.”

“Never stopped me before.” He slaps Sam on the shoulder. “There’s two of them and two of us. Let’s get some, Sammy!” 

Stevie and you are drinking beers and discussing some book the two of you finally finished reading -- this was your favorite thing you and your sister shared, other than hunting, books were a good way to escape your harsh reality as a hunter. 

“I don’t understand why she had to end up with him.” Stevie rolls her eyes. “I get the time period of it all, but surely she could’ve fucking been the one to end that gender role of marrying an asshole of a rich guy and be her own person? She was smart!”

“I don’t think that’s what it was about.” You say, tilting your head and looking around as you think about the book. 

“Well, she didn’t have to marry him!”

“Well, she did.” You pat Stevie on her back in sarcastic comfort. 

“It’s called Pride and Prejudice! How did that end up having a happy ending?” Stevie practically yells as she complains about Jane Austen’s book. 

“Alright there, calm down.” You laugh. “I’m sure we can find a new book where the main girl doesn’t fall for a man and stays on her own.”

“Or better yet, falls in love with a woman. Could it kill these writers to have some or decent representation?” 

“You’re not wrong there.”

“When am I ever wrong?” Stevie pridefully says, as she stuffs her face with french fries. 

Before the conversation went further, you hear heavy footsteps coming from behind you. You were beginning to hope it wasn't anyone trying to hit on you or your sister and that it was just someone trying to order food or their check. 

"So uh, what's the deal? You two best friends, sisters?" A gruff voice asks, attempting to flirt as he lets out a laugh. "My brother and I have a booth if you wanna join us, or you know a motel room eventually."

"Dude." You hear another voice say. "Seriously?"

"Uh- not together. No, nope that is so not what I meant."

You furrow your brows and let out a chuckle, turning around coming in contact with those wide greens eyes you know. The guy's cocky smile fades and his mouth goes ajar.

"Well shit, Sam and Dean." You raise your brows as your heart starts to pound just a tiny bit faster than normal. It's Dean. “Hi boys.”

"Hitting on women in a diner? Have you finally hit a low, Dean?" Stevie jabs at him, smiling and looking at Sam. "Has he?"

Her head tilts to Sam and they both laugh as they embrace each other in their arms for a warm, welcoming hug while laughing.

Dean is still stuck frozen once he has the realization it's you. Still in shock at the fact that he had embarrassingly flirted with the person he hadn’t seen in two years, someone he was a complete jerk to. Your eyes don't leave him and you both weren't so sure how to greet each other since the last time you saw him.

_"Dean, I know you want to protect me but you forget I do the same thing you do. How can you be so stubborn?" ___

____

_"Because I can't lose you and it's best that you go. This yellow eyed demon is no joke," he says your name and pleads. "If I can make sure you go, I can make sure that you and your sister are safe." ___

_____ _

_"But we're all family." You argue. "And family stays together, fights together." ___

_______ _ _ _

_"Family doesn't let family die." ___

_________ _ _ _ _ _

_"Which is why we won't leave you and Sam to do this on your own." You make a point but Dean shakes his head. "So that's that then? Won't let me help find your dad, the one who saved me and my sister's life? I owe it to him to help." ___

___________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"He wouldn't want you to help." ___

_____________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"You don't know that." ___

_______________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Of course I do! If my dad doesn't even want us looking why would he want you to risk your life?" ___

_________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"Don't you see it Dean? You just said it yourself, don't be a hypocrite and don't you dare push me away. We've been through too much together, let me help. I love you, okay? I love Sam and I'd do anything for you guys." ___

___________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"We can't keep doing what we're doing. I don't want to see you dead for me or for my dad." ___

_____________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_Dean looks away as tears form in his eyes as he tries to ignore the three words you told him.  
He rubs his hand over his face and through his short dirty blonde hair. ___

_______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"I don't want to hurt you, but I'm doing this to keep you safe." ___

_________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"But you are hurting me, Dean. My heart -- listen, please don't push me out. I'm a goddamn hunter this is what we do, it's just another case." ___

___________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_"It's not just another case. It’s better you're hurt and far away from me than dead because of me." ___

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You look away from his eyes once the memory of your last encounter with him pops in your head. A smile forms on your face as your sister leaves Sam's embrace and nudges Dean in his arm to hug her. Dean looks away, pulls your sister in and smiles.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You roll your eyes at Sam's huge smile then engulf him in the biggest bear hug ever. You take a step back to lean against the bar again not wanting to embrace the guy who hurt you— the guy who was a hypocritical coward that night, even though you wanted nothing more to be in those arms again.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"It's good to see you. What's going on?" Sam says, pulling away and waiting for your sister and you to explain.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"How long has it been?" Dean clears his throat to pull himself together as you feel his eyes on you, but you're not sure how long you can stand it.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Been too long." You smile sadly at him. "We just finished up a case back in California, bunch of werewolves."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"And you're here in Albany now, why so far?" Sam asks.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Besides wanting to see the city again, I hear there's some vamp activity around town, so we figured to take a quick beer break and then dive right into research." Stevie explains.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Well look at that." Dean smiles at Sam before glancing down at you and your sister. "We're already on it."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You furrow your brows, "aren't you gonna let us join you boys? For old times sake?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You're not sure why you said it, because seeing Dean was something you weren't so sure you wanted. Of course you missed him, of course you wanted him back in your life...but knowing Dean, he'd be too stubborn to let that happen. But your thoughts were shaken by Dean accepting the offer.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Hell yeah, let's do this and get this son of a bitch."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"There could be more than just one, Dean." Sam says, as Stevie and you laugh.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Then...let's get these sons of bitches."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Sam, I have so much shit to tell you." Stevie grabs Sam's arm and pulls him away towards the booth as she pats Dean on the shoulder when she walks by him. "Let's let them catch up."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You catch on to what your younger sister is doing, acting like she's in her teens again and playing matchmaker. You scoff as the two of them head back to the booth and geek out over previous cases they wished they could've done together. See those two were like the closest friends you'd ever seen, and despite Dean practically kicking you out and pushing you away, Sam and Stevie kept in touch.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Those two," Dean sighs as he tries not to be awkward. "When are they gonna get together, am I right?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Taking a step back to lean on the counter of the bar again, your brows furrow and you cringe at the thought.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"What? I'm serious."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Dean, my sister is not into Sam."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Oh come on, look at how she looks at him."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The two of you glance over at the booth to see them smiling brightly at each other, her eyes wide as she seems to be telling him a story. You scoff and lift the beer up to your mouth and scoff. Dean leans next to you, staring with a questionable look.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Gosh, you are so damn oblivious. You think you'd know someone practically your entire life and they don't know..."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He looks at you trying to understand, his eyebrows raised while his mouth goes slightly agape.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"My god Dean, she's into women!"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You stare at Dean's face as he's trying to figure it out, then frowns while nodding his head while with a small smile.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Makes sense."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Oh does it now?" You laugh. "And how exactly does that make sense?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I'm just saying, I mean there was that one time she got mad at me for checking out a college chick. She knocked me in the face, remember? I thought it was because I was supposed to be focusing on the case, but I guess not. Maybe she was jealous-”

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"My god."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The conversation ends in laughter, awkwardly of course, as you both stand there at the counter drinking and letting your siblings catch up. You are beginning to feel overwhelmed by his presence and you try and take a few steps forward before he catches onto your wrist with urgency.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Listen," Dean starts as he says your name. "The last time we spoke-"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"We don't need to talk about it." You get out of his soft grasp , down your beer then slam it on the counter.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"But-"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You smile bitterly, "It's all good! Once this case is over you don't gotta ever see me again like we discussed."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

And with that, you walk towards the booth where your sister and Sam hang out eager to get the night and case over with.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Most of the night in the diner goes smoothly as you all get caught up with each other's lives and the cases you've been on since the last time you saw each other.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"How's uh, life been going?" Dean raises his brows in your direction as he stands up and sits in your side of the booth, after you sit back down from letting your sister out of the booth. Sam and her go to grab more beer for the four of you, leaving Dean and you alone yet again.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Like always it's been...well you know how it is." You roll your eyes. "Been chasing cases and never really stopping."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Looks like you were stopping tonight."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Having a drink before another case? I don't think so. The last time I stopped hunting it wasn't so fun."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Why's that? Finished all the beer in the town you were in?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Very funny Dean."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He sits back in the seat and rests his arm on top of the booth which are a few inches away from your shoulders. You shift in your seat, feeling uneasy because of the awkwardness. That, or because of the fluttering butterflies you got when he was near you. 

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Hey, I'm just saying. Our breaks don't get to be fun, or even relaxing. Lucky we get a few hours of sleep at most, or something else." He wiggles his brows. "There wasn't anything fun to do besides hunting?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"After the last time we saw each other...you know. Us hunters don't get breaks, remember? I kept working case after case, drinking even though I didn't like it I even went back to motels with different people I would never even talk to again."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Dean furrows her brows in question, "Different people?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I tell you all that and that's what you take from it? Dumbass."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Sorry, I just didn't-"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Know. That's alright, I never told anyone. I didn't think it made a difference from who I am, you know? Anyways, besides being bisexual Dean, I was a wreck. My sister really helped me but I don't think I'm over things."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He leans forward and reaches his hand out for you.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Listen-”

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Dean, I'm serious when I say we don't need to talk about what happened. It's over with and after this case I was-"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Look, my dad died." Dean begins to explain but you cut him off again.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I heard," your head drops down and away from his gaze, but your hand finds him on the table. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I took it serious when you told me to stay away."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"It's alright, I guess I kind of deserve that." He shrugs. "But I need you to listen to me when I say the things I said to you then.. you didn't deserve me yelling in your face and saying harsh shit. I just wanted to keep you and your sister safe, away from that demon."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You raise your head and turn back to look at him in slight disbelief.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I've handled a demon or two before Dean."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Not this one, this one had yellow eyes and was too powerful and dangerous. I couldn't get you mixed up with that and I couldn't put you at risk."

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"But why Dean? I really don't understand why you wanted to push me away?"

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

You were too scared to admit to yourself that maybe it was because he really did love you. Although it was unsaid, you both knew the feelings you held for each other were real and they were there. But to say it out loud? That was something else.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He stutters but words don't come out.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Forget it." You say, as you see Sam and your sister walking back to the booth.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"I do want to fix things." Dean quickly says before his brother and your sister come back to join you guys.

_____________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Your eyes stay fixed on him as he drinks away the beer and plays around with the new plate of fries you know Dean and your sister wanted. The conversation gets away from the both of you, and instead Sam and your sister spend the most time talking and occasionally poking fun at Dean and his moments from the past.

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The four of you leave the diner and make it back to a motel not so far from where it is. You drive the truck you've had for a few months with your sister in the passenger seat, following the impala to the motel.

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"So, did it feel awkward?"

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"What?" You ask your sister glancing from her then to the road.

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"Seeing Dean again." She shrugs. "I mean the last time we saw them, he basically screamed and kicked your ass out on the curb."

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"Our asses." You say. "That was what, two years ago? It didn't... feel awkward... it just felt sad. I'm sure you felt the same."

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"Yes, but that's different. I'm not sad like how you are because I'm not the one who's in love with one of them."

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"I'm not in love with Dean." You sigh in annoyance, even though you know she's right and made a good point but you wouldn't ever admit it.

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“I never said Dean.” 

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You scold at Stevie and grip the steering wheel tightly, “My statement still stands.” 

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"Sure." She mutters.

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You pull up next to the impala in a parking space and roll your eyes as you grab your bag and make way to get a room for your sister and you. As you all get settled down in your rooms, you meet back in the Winchester's room and pile on the books and research. All in unsettling silence or an occasional info dump from Sam or Stevie, you and Dean would steal glances at each other. After an hour or so of research your sister and you took a vending machine break and let the boys read this time (the last time you worked on a real case with them, you were stuck with the pile of books so it was only right).

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A bit later you came back into the motel and the atmosphere between the brothers were off as Dean looked agitated and a bit exhausted. Without figuring out what was happening like you used to do, you let things go and decided that you and Sam would leave and pick up food for everyone, leaving your sister with Dean to research more through books and the laptop.  
Sam decided he wanted to drive, so he took the keys to the Impala and Dean didn't even protest against it. Once the two of you arrive back at the twenty-four hour diner, Sam orders inside a bunch of mixed foods; breakfast stuff and coffees for everyone just in case you all wouldn't get a chance to eat breakfast in a few hours. The two of you wait outside for the food, holding paper cups of coffee as you stand by the impala.

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"What's up with Dean, Sam?" You lean on the impala as Sam and you wait for the food you're picking up for everyone. "Eager to have us join this case and work together? What's next, singing kumbaya in a bar or around a damn campfire?"

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Sam looks down on the ground for a moment as if he's hesitating, thinking of a way to tell you without being the one to break your heart.

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"You know how Dean is...protective." Sam says as you nod your head.

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"Oh I know," your eyes go wide, "which is why he doesn't seem like his one hundred percent self tonight."

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Sam stays silent for a few minutes, as you were staring up at him painterly waiting for him to answer.

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"Well?" You plead. 

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"His time..." Sam is hesitant, unsure if he should be telling you his brother's truth. "His time is running up and he did it for me."

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"Time is running up? What the fuck does that mean?"

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"He made a deal with a demon."

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"He made a deal with a goddamn demon?" Your pulse begins to quicken as your face scrunches as panic rises in your throat. 

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"He's got a year to live and if he tries to stop it he'll die right then and there."

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"A year?" Your voice trembles as your words barely make it out your mouth. Backing away from Sam you hear him try to console you but your hand goes up and he stops walking.

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"What a way to reunite.” You close your eyes and shake your head. “Fuck.” 

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Your mind is racing with thoughts and your heart begins to break, knowing that Dean and you might never get a chance ever.

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"Wait, is that why he let us join this case?"

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Sam nods with empathy, "Probably. I think this is probably a way to make amends with you, make things right before he you know...dies."

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"Fucking dick." You scoff. "So he just thinks just because he's gonna die that I'll forgive him? Why is he so selfish?"

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"Look, he took a deal with a crossroads demon. My life, for his. I'm upset, angry too but you know how Dean is."

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"Yeah he's a dumbass." You sit back onto the impala and bite your lip to stop yourself from crying.

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Sam scoffs, "yeah, he is. He did it for me but I just can't help but feel like I need to save his life now."

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"Can we?" You ask him quickly. "Is there anything I can do to help, to help save him before his time is up?"

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"We could hunt the demon down. But look, I know Dean wouldn't want me anywhere near this, and if he finds out that you know, things will be different."

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"As if it isn't already."

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"I know it hurts and I know all about what happened, trust me I've tried talking to him about it. I know he's only got a year but if he wants to be at peace with the people in his life the least you can do is hear him out. I'm serious when I say give him-"

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"I'll listen, but I want to talk to him." You stand up and make your way to the passenger side and open the car door, resting on top as you wait for Sam.

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"About it all, everything."

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"Yeah, okay. But what about the case?"

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"We'll work in teams. Watch out for my sister, she'll watch out for you. Dean and I will go together and I'll talk to him then."

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You sit down in the car and slam the door, slightly cursing to yourself that it might've been too hard. But then you remember Dean isn't driving — he won't know. Sam gets in the car and starts her up.

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"He'll try and talk you out of it all. Dean...he's pretty adamant about wanting to be saved. If he.. if he even goes near trying to get out of the deal, he'll die. We all know how he is, with or without this deal he's protective and never wants people he cares about to get in danger because of him. And I agree with that sometimes.”

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You stay quiet. 

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“Look, you're family and I can't let you and your sister just let everything go and help us."

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You furrow your brows at him almost as if you're about to scold him, but also because you're starting to feel worried.

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He says your name, “just because I'm not the one you love doesn't mean I won't be as protective as him. Talk to him if you want, just know his mind is pretty much set on this deal."

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You look down in your lap and play with your fingers as you anxiously think about Dean's deal and wanting to talk to him. After Sam explains that he's pretty straight on the deal, it makes you nervous to tell him you know. You nod your head then turn to look out the window as he begins to drive back to the motel. The more you began to think, the more worried you were on how you were going to focus on this case and even muster up the courage to confront Dean about the past, his deal and the things unresolved between the two of you.

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	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Reader finds out about the deal Dean made with a demon and how he only has a year to live, she struggles with trying to confront him.

The drive back to the motel after picking up more greasy diner food and coffee isn't quiet between Sam and you. You aren't letting the excruciating news of Dean’s deal get in the way of catching up with Sam. Although there isn't much to talk about but all the cases you haven’t been on together and the many girls Sam and even you have connected with in the two years, it’s nice to see him again after these past two years that flew by.

Having Sam around is like having another younger sibling and you knew that Stevie felt the same way about him, except they were best friends. They’re metaphorically joined at the hip, despite the distance that was kept between the Winchesters and you all these years. For them it’s easy probably because they weren’t ever sexually and emotionally attached like you and Dean. Even if it is unsaid, it's still nothing but the truth. 

Dean’s love for you never faltered, and neither did yours for him. 

Arriving at the motel, you let Sam go ahead as you stay inside the impala alone with your thoughts. You watch as he goes inside but leaves the door cracked open as if you were going to be right behind him. You slide from the passenger seat and sit in the seat where Dean would always be blasting rock music and occasionally a love ballad. Minutes go by and you decide that it was time to head inside. Once you reach the red chipped motel room that had a green plastic wreath around the room number, you push it open and stand in the doorway. Sam and Stevie are talking as they organize weapons and books, but you don’t hear exactly what they’re saying as your eyes are focused on Dean. 

As you hesitate whether or not to walk completely inside and get prepared for the hunt, or muster up the courage to confront him, you wrap your arms around yourself in comfort. Gazing up and down, watching his body move around the motel, busying himself with whatever, reminds you of the cases the two of you used to go on. The way he rolls up his Carhartt button ups to his elbows, when he hunches over with his eyebrows furrowing in focus makes you swoon every time. 

Going on hunts together and all the moments before, after, and everything in between. Being around him again started to make you reminisce about the years being alone with him while Sam and Stevie were at school alone. While John was off leaving Dean, you were there for him as he was there for you. Memories of times where you were both young, alone, and acting like you could take on the world together and save everyone. 

The blissful moments of stolen kisses, both soft and rough touches begin to make your heart start aching. Even the drunken nights from the past are making you feel warm inside, aching for him and to get back to the way things used to be before he pushed you away. 

_“Happy birthday to me!” You yell as Dean is holding your side squeezing tightly as you two are walking out of a road bar and to the Impala. You listen to his contagious laugh and it begins making your cheeks heat up. That, or it was the alcohol that had consumed your body just moments ago. ___

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_“You know,” Dean says, opening the passenger door. “We’ve been drinking since we were fifteen, why is it any different now?” ___

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_“Because it’s my birthday and it feels damn good!” ___

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_“Alright there little lush, get in.” He guides you to the seat and carefully closes the door, then walks around to the drivers side. ___

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_As soon as he sits down and slams the door, you turn to him and roll your eyes. ___

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_“I’m not little, I’m extremely tough just like you, alright?” ___

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_“Yeah, yeah whatever you say.” Dean chuckles as he reaches for a cassette tape and pushes it in. A familiar song begins to play, the light guitar strings of a Zeppelin song echoes throughout baby and although you’re both drunk, the two of you smile to yourselves. ___

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_‘If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you…’ ___

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_It was your song, the one that seems to always play whenever the two of you threw on music. Although many songs could easily be considered your song with each other, this one was it. ___

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_As the song continues on playing, the down pouring rain begins to slowly fade and the stars of the night begin to shine. Your twenty first birthday had completely gone over your head and it wasn’t until Dean surprised you with a few birthday banners from a dollar store, beer and paper party hats lying around in the motel room. Despite being a bit bloody, dirty and exhausted from the hunt just a few hours ago, it made you feel special that he remembered, even if it did lead to a rundown bar. ___

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_With the song playing a bit too loud at the moment, you reach over and turn it down which earns you a disapproving look from Dean. Your mind begins to take you somewhere else, as you remember your sister's birthday is just a few weeks away and you haven’t seen her in a while. ___

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_“I...um, Stevie hasn’t been answering my calls, I figure her and Sam are busy with school? I just want to know if you heard from them? I was thinking of seeing them tomorrow and making sure they’re okay.” ___

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_“I haven’t heard from Sam much either.” Dean says after a few seconds. “Just told me him and Stevie have been hitting the books.” ___

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_“Right.” Your face scrunches up in sadness, missing your younger sister as she’s probably sleeping at this time in the motel she shared with Sam, not just a few towns over. ___

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_“Look, they’re fine.” Dean rests his leather covered arm behind you on the seat. “They’re two nerds in high school with a shit ton of work. We don’t gotta worry, they’re teenagers.” ___

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_You nod your head, “Do you remember when we were seventeen?” ___

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_“Sure.” He shrugs. “Pretty much did everything we’re doing now back then. Except less broom closets and more beds.” ___

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_“Yeah,” you look out the window and watch the drizzle fall down on the glass as your face heats up. “And now, a lot more monsters, spirits and everything in between.” ___

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_“Lighten up sweetheart,” dean moves his arm from the seat to your shoulder, “it’s your damn birthday, our siblings are fine.” ___

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_He was right. You didn’t want to think about anything else that could get in the way of your twenty first birthday. You just wanted to have fun with one of your favorite people in the world. ___

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_You reach up and hold Dean’s hand that was hanging off your shoulder, squeezing it as you smile. Your eyes shift from the window and stare at your hands that are intertwined together. Letting out a sigh, your cheek comes in contact with the back of his hand, trying to warm up and just to try and feel okay. ___

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_“Hey,” he whispers and you turn your head around and stare at him. “Happy birthday.” ___

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_It was clear that it was him who made the first move. The arm around your shoulder giving you goosebumps, the sudden mood change for your birthday and the green eyes staring through your soul made it all clear. Dean drops his arm from your shoulder and wraps around your waist, pulling you forward practically on his lap but not quite. It isn’t hesitation, but right before either of you go any further, his lips hover right over yours almost as if he’s afraid. ___

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_“Dean…” ___

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_Your heart is thumping against your chest, your head running with so many thoughts. Why did tonight feel any different from most drunken nights? Perhaps it was because it was your birthday, or it might’ve been Dean finally making sense of the feelings he felt everywhere, for you. ___

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_“Like I said,” he says as he squeezes your side gently, “lighten up, Y/N.” ___

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_His lips finally press against yours, they’re soft and plump against your own and it felt like nothing you’ve experienced. ___

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_All the other drunken times were fast paced, lips sucking and gliding over each other's mouths and necks. But this time it’s slow like time began to stop. Your breathing hitches in your throat as he grabs the back of your neck with his other hand and brings you closer. His tongue running over your bottom lip wanting to take it further. Moaning into it the kiss, your mouth widens in invitation for his tongue which he so happily accepts and slowly inches it in. ___

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Before you could get to the rest of that night of all the electrifying touches and the birthday well spent in the back of the impala, a loud thudding snaps you out of the trance. Looking to the other side of the motel room, Stevie and Sam are packing up bags and throwing together weapons and books for tonight. 

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You were thinking maybe it would be better to wait until after, but your mind was beginning to swarm with scenarios with how the hunt tonight could go. You can die tonight by a vampire or get bit, and never live to tell Dean how much you love him with every fiber in your body. You could live but then end up staying quiet and never see him again until he would be given a hunter’s funeral when his time is up. 

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But the thought of all of that made your stomach start churning. The flooding memories the two of you shared, the scenarios and that damn deal. It was all becoming too much, and you weren’t sure what to do anymore, except confront him. Now better than later, you guess. 

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“Uh, Stevie? Do you mind grabbing some med supplies out of the truck?” You raise your brows and tilt your head back signaling her to leave. 

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Stevie stares at you for a moment, trying to understand if that’s what you wanted her to do until she looks at Dean minding his business and then back at you. She realizes you want a moment with him, and she’d be more than happy to leave you with the man she knows you love. 

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“Yeah, of course.” She bites her lip in amusement. “Come on Sam, got some new books to share with you.” 

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Sam picks up the bag from the floor and follows Stevie. 

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“Are they books you’ve complained about or are they books about creatures?” He asks as they pass you and out the doorway of the motel room. 

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“A little bit of both!” You hear Stevie say and you snort quietly to yourself. 

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Once they leave the two of you in the room alone, you take a few steps and close the door behind you. The sound of the click makes Dean look up in confusion as he glides a red towel over his gun, cleaning it. 

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“Where they off to?” He asks. 

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“To the cars.” You answer walking to the table where he sits. You’re unsure whether or not you want to sit down for this, or if you want to stay where you are and stand your ground for whatever happens. 

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“Can we talk?” 

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“Gotta make it quick, sweetheart. You know how much I hate vamps.” 

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Sweetheart. 

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“Yeah sure,” you mutter quietly as you almost choke on your words. The word, the nickname you haven’t heard from him in years sends shivers down your spine and the butterflies start going crazy. 

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Your left hand swipes your right arm up and down, trying to warm and calm your body down. Dean rises up from sitting as you walk to the middle of the cheesy decorated motel room, standing much closer to him than before. He doesn’t look up, instead he nods his head waiting for you to continue. 

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"Look, I'm just gonna say it and you're gonna listen. I know about the goddamn deal.”

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"How did you," he pauses and sighs, placing his fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Sam."

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"Yeah he told me. He told me you did it to protect him. You took a deal with a demon and now you're just fine with dying?"

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"The deal has been made for some time," Dean shrugs. "Don't have to be so mad about it. I'm fine." 

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"I'm not just mad about the deal! I'm mad about everything that's happened between us. We were practically family, Dean."

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"We still are.” Dean protests. “Which is why I was protecting you. You and your sister didn't need to be there."

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"I told you then and I'll tell you now. We can hold our own, I don't need to be protected. We help each other and we don't do that by shoving people out of our lives. If this was me sacrificing my life for my sister, I'm pretty sure I would come to you guys, go to Bobby. Figure out something, anything."

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"You don't get it." Dean says, pacing back and forth. "If any demon or anyone gets even a sniff of someone trying to figure out this deal with Dean Winchester, I am toast. Gone. So would you please drop it and move on? Find the goddamn vamp or vamps!"

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You look away from him and drop your head into your hand as you sigh.

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Are we doing this just so you can apologize to me? So that you don't feel guilty in pushing me away? Is this what this is all about, letting me and my sister come on this case with you? One last hurrah for you, isn't it?”

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He stays quiet, his eyes glancing at the floor. 

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Ah so it is. You're such a stubborn dick." You turn to him and shake your head in disapproval, hands now crossed over your chest. 

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He watches you intently with furrowing brows and his lips pursed. Before he can talk, you walk to him standing a few inches away. 

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"But then again so am I.” You smile wickedly. “I'm sticking around after this, and you're gonna deal with it."

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Please," He walks around the table to stand in front of you. "I just-"

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"Look, you wanted me far from what you were trying to do back then. That's over now, right?"

__________________________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

He nods, "That's done."

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"You have a year left? Fine, let's get over all that shit that happened and you make it up to me. Or else that deal won't be the one to kill you."

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Dean nods his head, "Yes ma'am." 

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"So now we can get those fucking vamps." You turn your back on him and storm out to the Impala, an impending fear and sadness creeping up on you.

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You're not thinking about the vampires you're about to hunt down. Not about the hunt, or anything about the last two days. The only thing that stays on your mind is the deal and how Dean Winchester will be out of your life for good and that it was death coming for him. You think about losing him forever would mean you could never have the chance to love him in the right way.

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	3. Vamps & Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments/feedback are 100% welcomed! thanks for reading, I can't wait to explore the reader and dean's past, their friendship/relationship and to keep writing!!

It’s nearing midnight and the four of you were splitting up. Sam and Stevie are walk around one corner with flashlights by their side, as you and Dean are stalking down the narrow alley. The concrete is wet and filled with puddles from the downpour from earlier. Everything is dark except certain luminated spots from a street lamp or two. Just an hour ago, you all figured out that it was just one vampire and it so happens to be a woman who had killed just two people. 

You start walking ahead of Dean and notice a large shadow behind a big dirty dumpster. 

“Dean, over here.” 

You hear his heavy footsteps approaching from behind you and suddenly his flashlight shines at the shadow ahead, revealing a puddle of blood. Reaching for your gun, you continue walking ahead of Dean, who’s whispering to you in protest. You ignore him peaking behind the dumpster and falling to your knees to help the struggling, on the verge of death, man that lies on the floor. 

“This case, the vamp is killed two vics so far?” You ask as you turn back to the man. “It’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.” 

“Three now.” Dean furrows his brows at the man laying down. 

“No, he’s not gonna die.” Your hands stop at his neck, bloods pouring out. “It’s our job to save these people, just call a ambulance and then we’ll go.” 

“This son of a bitch kills two people… all of a sudden she keeps one alive?” 

“It could’ve been an accident. I mean, keeping him alive.” 

Your hands are covered in the mans blood as you keep pressure on the wound on his neck. He’s slowly passing out, and you’re beginning to panic. 

“Alright there’s too much blood, Dean. Call them, now.” 

Dean keeps the flashlight on you and the victim as he takes his phone out of his jacket pocket and begins to diall. 

“Don’t you worry. We’re getting help.” 

“Yeah, hi-” 

Dean’s voice comes to a stop. You hear a loud thud coming from behind you and looking his way, you call for him as you see him lying on ground beside the dumpster. There’s a dent in it from him being thrown into it with great force. His voice is hoarse as he groans in pain, his head lifting up to meet your concerned eyes. Without saying anything, the two of you are furrowing your brows in confusion trying figure out what the hell just happened. 

“Dean!” 

You and Dean both glancing up behind you to see Sam and Stevie calling his your name from the end of the alley. You’re sighing in relief and notice that none of you were hurt by the possible vampire that just threw Dean into the side of dumpster. Paying attention back to the victim, you notice that he’s now fully passed out. Your bloody covered fingers glide up to the side of his neck by his ear and pressy gently, waiting to feel a pulse. Once you feel the slight thumps pulsing against his skin, your eyes are shutting for just seconds in content that he might be okay and survive this. 

“We’re alright!” You call out to them. “Still gonna need that ambulance.” 

“Where the hell did that bitch go?” Dean asked. 

“Stevie, behind you!” 

Something pulls you back off the man on the ground, sending you flying and skidding across the concrete. Groaning in pain, you open your eyes to see a blonde woman hovering over you, her mouth opening wide revealing her fangs. Lifting up your right leg, you pull back and kick her hard off of you, causing her to land back on her knees. You feel a burning sensation on your knees and look down to see your light blue jeans have been shredded, covered with a little bit of your blood. 

Behind the vampire just a few feet away, Dean’s rolling up his jacket sleeves and taking the blade to his arm, slicing himself open, blood rushing down his arms. 

“You smell that?” He yells. “Come and get it!” 

“Dean, no!” 

“Yeah, that’s right. Come on...I smell good, don’t I?”

The blonde vampire smiles and snaps her head around, getting ready to pounce over to him. Standing up, you run over to the woman and wrap your arm around her neck trying to pull her back. She instantly elbows you in the stomach, causing you to lose your balance and let her gain some traction over your body. Once she grips you by the waist and makes you face Dean, he rases his arm to make sure she smells his blood.  
She stands there looking back and forth between the two of you, as she grips you tighter by the waist and moves your hair, licking the side of your neck. Your breathing becomes shallow, frightened that she might bite into you, turn you or even kill you. The blade! You remember it’s just behind your back in your jeans, but her grip on you makes it hard for you to reach behind without her noticing. 

“You want me, not her!” Dean shouts, dropping his blade. “Come on!” 

With just your luck, the blade in the back of your waist band drops to the floor before you could even reach for it and you’re cursing in anger. The vampire starts laughing while shoving you off, sending you gliding across the ground and into a puddle. Your eyes widen in horror watching the woman come close to Dean, her neck titled and right onto his neck. No.

No, this isn’t time for him. He’s not supposed to die tonight, not like this. He can’t. 

Sam and Stevie’s voices echo through the alley and gets louder as they stand behind Dean in shock. Within seconds, you see him holding up his hand with the syringe, injecting her with the dead man’s blood. 

“Dean!” Sam yells, running to his brother. 

The vampire falls the ground and Dean starts breathing heavily, relieved that the vampire is knocked out on the ground. Sam and Stevie stand by him with questionable looks on their faces, pausing to make sure he’s alright. 

“What?” 

“Cutting it a little close, don’t ya think?” Sam asks as his eyes widen in confusion and a hint of panic.

“Ah,” his voice is still breathy, “that’s just chum in the water. Worked, didn’t it?” 

Stevie rolls her eyes and makes her way over to you and the guy on the floor. Squatting down she places a hand on your shoulder and checks for any bite marks. 

“You’re okay.”

You nod and tilt you head at the man. 

“I’ll call an ambulance now.” Stevie says and takes out her phone. 

Dean’s laughing and you stare him down as if he was acting like a mad man. He looks down at the vampire then at you. He catches your eyes and winces just a bit, feeling like he might’ve pissed you off or something. 

He’s picks up the blade from the ground and walks over to you, lending a hand. You’re cursing to yourself and to Dean, but he’s not noticing. You reach out to grab his empty hand and he helps you up. You’re gripping onto his jacket, pulling him into a tight hug. He freezes, but before he can even respond to the hug, you’re shoving him back slapping him in the chest with all your strength. 

“Do you want to die?” You ask. “Is that it? What the hell was that!” 

“Oh come on! I’m fine.”

“We’re supposed to be working together, watching each others backs. That was the complete opposite!” 

“She was going to bite you!” He yells back. “I did what I needed to do.” 

Dean steps forward but you inch back. You’re pissed, but now isn’t the time for another fight. 

“Look, let’s just fucking tie her up and get to the bottom of this shit. I’m wet, exhausted and just wanna kill some vamps!” 

The three of them are just standing there watching you as you curse, wiping your bloody hands on your jeans. Turning around from them, you’re bending down and hold your hand over the man’s chest man. Although he’s passed out, you whisper in assurance that he’ll get the help he needs. 

The brothers quickly grab the vampire and tie her arms together, as all of you start walking away further into the alley and to an abandoned motel not too far. As Dean and Sam are interrogating the vampire, Lucy, Stevie and you are outside on watch just in case anyone comes by and starts questioning the boys and what they’re doing inside the musty motel room. 

Just outside in the shivering upstate weather, it stays silent between you and Stevie. She’s casually smoking a cigarette which you constantly nag her about the day she was old enough to buy a pack. Rolling your eyes at the smell you’re moving off the wall, putting some distance between you and her. 

“Look,” Stevie begins, “I know you haven’t seen Dean since he kicked us to the curb, but what the hell was that back there? Getting mad at Dean. I know it was a dumb move by him to literally put his neck out in the open, but he’s a damn Winchester.” 

You’re not looking at her and she can tell you’re trying to avoid the topic. She flicks her cigarette to the ground, stomping her boot right on top of it and closes the distance you.  
She says your name, “I understand all the tension and not wanting to admit things. But is there something you’re not telling me?” 

Biting your lip in contemplation, you’re furrowing your brows as you stare at your sister. You’re not sure how to respond to any of that, not wanting to discuss the deal Dean made or the feelings you’ve been carrying for almost your entire life. But you can’t lie to Stevie. You never had to, or wanted to so now was no different. If everyone else but her was filled in on Dean’s problem, then why can’t Stevie? You’re all family, she should know. 

Shaking your head as you turn to her, your eyes start prickling with tears. 

“You know all about demons now, don’t you?”

“Yes, why?” Stevie perks up. 

“So then you know people, hunters make deals with them?” Stevie nods her head. “Turns out Dean made a deal not too long ago and his time is running out.”  
“So that’s why he let us stay with them?” 

You’re shrug in response. 

“Dick.” Stevie rolls her eyes. “What a dumbass.”You can tell she’s trying to mask her sadness with insults directed at Dean. He was always someone who looked out for her as if he had another younger sibling to watch out for. If you needed time alone, he would watch Stevie and Sam and make sure they weren’t getting themselves in trouble at school.

“His time is running out, how long does he have?” 

“Sam said a year.” 

“When is that year up?” 

“I’m not sure, but I’m beginning to worry that it’s almost up. I can feel it even though I don’t want to.” 

Stevie wraps her arm around yours and leans her head on your shoulder. 

“We’re here...I stuck around because he told me he wanted to make things up to me, to us for pushing us away. I just feel like he’s only doing it because death’s about to knock on baby’s door.” 

Her head lifts off from your shoulder to stare at you. 

“Hey, don’t talk like that. You and me both know how he feels about you, Sam sees it too. Take it from Dean and don’t let this deal ruin anything. We’ll take it day by day and we’ll be there for them. Figure it out all together, like we used to.” 

You squeeze her arm and sigh in sadness. 

“Alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Thank you Stevie.”

The two of you hear noises coming from behind you and notice that the door is opening, catching your attention. Stevie and you detach and see Sam walking out of the door with a dejected expression playing on his face. 

“What went on in there?” You ask Sam as he walks out the door. 

“She got turned by vampire blood. Met a dude named Dixon back at some club.” 

“Let me guess, he spiked her drink?” Stevie asks and Sam nods. “Disgusting.”

“She didn’t know what she was doing.” 

“The job is rough Sam, you know that.” 

“I know.” He shrugs as Dean walks out. “I know.”

“What happened?” 

“She’s dead.” Dean responds as he walks pass everyone and to the impala. “We’re off to a club!” 

You turn back to Sam and Stevie in disbelief and scoff, “is he joking right now?”

Sam was filling you and your sister in about how Dean wasn’t joking about going to a club. It’s named Spider and it was where the woman said she was drugged by a man. And that’s who you were all on the look out for. Dixon, a possible leader of the nest he’s been creating, or trying to create and failing miserably. 

Tonight’s one of the longest nights you had in a while. The exhaustion is gnawing at your body just longing for sleep and a quick break. Everything on your mind is catching up to you, your anger about the deal and the pondering sadness about potentially losing him. Your mind is starting to take you to how Dean might be feeling about it himself too. Then it hits you. Dean has always been closed off, sometimes opening up to you in the past. But now? It’s different and your anxiety was beginning to soar even further than it was before.


	4. Dixon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The vampire hunt continues, and someone gets hurt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you all enjoy the chapter! the Christmas chapters are coming soon and just in time for the holidays!
> 
> Comment!! I really love to interact and get feedback, so please feel welcome :) <3

There’s too many people in the club to even count. People are practically piling up on each other, sharing drinks and dancing under neon lights. Awful electronic music pounds against the walls. Sam holds the door open for you, Stevie and Dean as you make your way outside, annoyed and discouraged that you weren’t able to locate a man named Dixon. The brisk air slaps the side of your face and your hands immediately stuffs inside your leather jacket pocket. This reminds you that you need to get your hands on a much warmer one for the colder seasons and one that is a lot more flexible for your job.

You listen to Dean and Sam complain what the hell you guys were going to do next, especially without having anymore leads to go off of. Before you even think about turning around consulting Dean about killing the vampire earlier (thinking about how she could’ve been a lot more useful then just getting the name of a club and a man to him) you run your fingers in your hair and turn your head to the side. 

Coming to a complete stop, your eyes catch another set of eyes looking your way as she nearly glides in your direction. Her hair bounces and her hips sway, dark clothes compressed to her skin. Your eyes drag up from her leather clad feet all the way to her deep cut shirt showing off bust. They finally reach her face again, noticing her unusual pale face and round eyes. Your mouth is ajar and your breath is taken away from her and the powerful wind that blows by. You’re blinking a few times to readjust yourself as you finally get caught by her. 

As your eyes catch each others you notice she’s biting her lip as she walks towards you. Suddenly, you’re beginning to panic just like any other person who comes your way. You shake your head to rid your thoughts of the blonde that catches your eye and then it hits you. She looks exactly like Lucy, if not a carbon copy. But no, this isn’t a shapeshifter case. The realization comes to you that Dixon is drugging women that look exactly like each other for some odd and creepy reason.  
She passes by with a wink, her teeth still hooked onto her bottom lip. 

“Well shit.” You whisper. 

“Yeah…” Dean says breathlessly as he stands beside you, looking off into the distance at the woman.

In seconds you feel Stevie pulling on your forearm, trying to get you and even Dean to pay attention. 

“Um, hello?” 

You’re clearing your throat as you turn around, coming face to face clear your throat turning around to stare at both Stevie and Sam. They’re looking at you and Dean as if you did something wrong, like children who got caught stealing something. Eyes are flickering back and forth between you and Dean in amusement that you were checking out the same woman and in bewilderment. 

“Yeah,” you’re shaking your head clearing your thoughts, “what’s up?”

“Well...Sam was just saying maybe we need to head back to the motel and just figure things out there. Do more research and call in other hunters that might know something?” 

You raise your hand and point to your sister, squinting your eyes in understanding. 

“Actually, you’re in luck. I think I just figured something out.” 

Sam and Stevie tilt their heads at the same time as if they’re twins. 

“How… how’s that?” Sam asks. 

“We literally just walked out of the club and you two are over here drooling over the same woman!” Stevie exclaims as she laughs. 

“And did you happen to even look at the woman, Stevie?” 

“Son of a bitch.” Dean figures it out just a few minutes after you did. You turn to him and nod your head, confirming that the woman who had just walked by really did look like Lucy. 

“Well, did you Stevie?” Dean asks. “Did you see the way she was dressed, hell did you get a good look at her-”

Stevie jabs her finger into his chest, “okay, listen buddy just because I love women doesn't mean I check out every goddamn one that walks by-”

“Okay kid, calm down.” Dean rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just saying if you saw what we saw, you’d know-”

You cut him off, “let’s put it this way. That woman? Looked exactly like Lucy and I’m pretty sure Dean killed her. And since this isn’t shapeshifter case, I’d say that maybe Dixon has a type.”

You start walking and wave your hand for them to follow. 

Sam nods his head, “A type...yeah you know what, that sounds right. Three blondes went missing including Lucy. So what now? There’s no way he’s not hiding around here in the club.”

“I don’t know man,” Dean shakes his head. 

“They were all last sighted here, Dean. I’m telling you, this is the hunting ground.” 

“It is the perfect place for someone like him.” You reason. 

Dean and you are stopping in your tracks in sync as both of your eyes focus on the woman you were checking out, now in the arms of a man across the street. In panic, you’re slapping your hand and holding onto Dean’s bicep. He looks down at your hand then to your eyes then back at the couple. 

“Guys.” Dean points ahead to them for Sam and Stevie to catch on. 

“Guess we found the guy.” Stevie says. 

You and Dean turn around and stare at her, talking in unison. 

“We?”

“Thanks to us.” 

Sam pats you and Dean on the shoulder as he walks past you to catch up to the couple. Following in suit, you’re catching up to them up in yet another familiar alleyway. You  
split up again, this time you take Stevie and Dean takes Sam to approach them from a different direction. Everything is moving fast for the first time all night since Lucy attacked you. 

As Dean uses his left hand to stop him from pouring the blood in her mouth, he balls his fist up and throws a nasty punch to the guys jaw, causing him to fall over on the ground. Stevie pushes me to the side as she steps in from basically nowhere and starts kicking the man in the side with her hard ankle work boots. 

“So you like drugging women with your goddamn vamp blood, huh?” She spits.

“Hey, go get out of here!” Sam grabs the blonde and guides her back. “Go, go!” 

You’re yelling at Stevie to get her to stop so that you and Dean can get him tied up. Once you grab at her, the man stands up from the ground and tackles Stevie into the wet brick wall before you pull her away from him. Stevie’s head hits the brick once his hands wrap around her throat, his head tilting back getting ready to bite into her. You’re practically growling in anger, running and launching your fist into the side of his face where Dean got him good just minutes before. He lets Stevie go from a chokehold and turns around, a monstrous anger expression plays on his face. Stevie falls to the ground hard and Sam runs over to hold her. 

Dixon, presumably, stands back up from being punched and tries to take his anger out on you. He lunges forward but Dean instantly pushes him before he can get to you. 

“Is Stevie good?” You call out, as you watch your sister curse in pain. 

“She’s fine!” Sam yells at him as he holds onto your sister. “Dean!” 

You bend down to help Dean up and he takes your hand tight as he rises up. Dixon is gone, running away after he had previously knocked Dean into the brick wall. 

“I’m good.” He stares at you, then at Sam. “Let’s go.” 

“I’ll stay behind, get Stevie back to the motel.” You explain. “Go! Before he leaves.” 

The brothers nod at you and start running off around the corner of the alleyway and out of your sight. You grab onto Stevie’s waist and lift her arm around your shoulder to help her walk, but she’s shrugging you off. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just pissed I didn’t get to finish knocking him out some more.”

“I meant your body. You’ll bruise from the body slams.”

“This is our life, Y/N/N.” Stevie shrugs. “Gotta get used to it.”

“I’ll never get used to seeing my little sister getting beat up and hurt, alright? Let’s just head back to the motel so I can take care of you and get you some pills for the pain.” 

Stevie nods, an empathetic smile shows through the pain as they walk side by side together and to the motel. 

Sam and Dean are gone for what feels like hours. The sun still isn’t up yet and the night continues to drag and still, you don’t have any clue what the hell this case even is anymore and what to do. Part of you is telling yourself to leave Stevie here and go out looking for the boys and help. The other is telling you to stay and wait for them. Minutes turn into an hour, but it feels like longer. You can’t take it anymore. You’re throwing on your jacket in annoyance and concern for the boys who still aren’t here. You reach for the motel room door but then the lock clicks and it opens revealing Sam breathless and sweaty. 

“What the fuck happened?” You ask, walking backwards to let him inside. “Where’s Dean, did Dixon take him?”

“I don’t know! He doesn’t fit the M.O.”

“Sam,” you say, trying to get serious. 

“There were two men with guns once we ran around the corner. It wasn’t the guy from before, it was man named Gordon Walker. A hunter.”

“Okay, so what does that have to do with Dean?” 

“Doesn’t really, but we know him and he knows us. He’s been on our trail for quite some time.”

“That man was Dixon, right?” Sam nods his head in response. “And he disappeared...damn it.” 

An hour or two passes you all by, and still no word or face from Dean. 

Sam paces back and fort then sits down on the dresser, his back against the mirror. He takes a look at you and Stevie on the bed and furrows his brows in his puppy eyed expression he always does when he’s upset, or heartbroken. 

“Is she alright?” 

“Nothing she can’t handle.” You say, trying to make Sam not worry. “She’ll be okay, just needs the rest.” 

“I should’ve done something-”

“Sam, things happened really fast.”

“You’re right, but-”

The door suddenly swings open, making Stevie groan as she was just getting to fall asleep moments before. 

“There you are!” Sam shouts. 

Dean comes walking in with a massive grin, “Yeah.” 

“Yeah?” You rise up from the bed. “Where were you all this time?” 

“Sorry guys, I stopped for a slice.”

“You’re an ass.” 

“I know I am, sweetheart.” 

You roll your eyes and glance at Sam, waving your hand at him to deal with it. 

“Nice move you pulled back there, Dean!” Sam shouts at him. “Seriously, running straight into weapons?”

“What can I say, I’m badass.”

You feel Stevie shifting on the bed, sitting up and laughing, “Yeah, you are!” 

“Don’t praise him,” You say. “It’ll inflate his ego.” 

Dean turns around and shoots you a frazzled expression, “Why are you being mean now?”

“Don’t be a child.” You smile. 

“Seriously Dean,” Sam shakes his head. “You-”

They boys stop talking as a phone begins to ring obnoxiously loud. It’s Dean’s cell. He’s not answering and he keeps talking to Sam once it stops. 

“So I guess Gordon’s out of jail.”

Gordon, another hunter, the one Sam mentioned to you earlier is hunting them down. 

“Uh, yeah guess so… How the hell did he know where to find us?” 

Dean shrugs and looks around the room and for a moment he catches your curious eyes and then lands on your sister who looks and is extremely exhausted. You’re watching him as he looks like his gears are grinding in his head, as if he was trying to figure something out. You watch as his his ears go back, his eyes going wide. 

“That bitch.” 

He takes out his phone, dialing a number and waits with his lips pursed. “Hi, Bela!”  
Bela. Now who the hell is Bela? 

“Question for you! When you called me yesterday, It wasn’t to thank me for saving your ass, was it…”

You stare at them as Dean talks to someone on the phone, his tone of voice laced with sarcasm and annoyance. Tuning him out, feeling as if you’re intruding, you turn around to Stevie to ask if she needs anything. Her answer for what she needs is snarky, mentioning she’d like a vacation and to crack open all the books the hunting life never let her finished. 

After a few minutes, you hear Dean become much more angrier, his voice gets deeper and raspier. 

“Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I’m gonna do is kill you….Listen to my voice and tell me I’m not serious.” 

Silence fills the room as he hangs up his cell and sighs. 

“Who’s Bela?” Stevie winks at Dean. 

“No one you would wanna know, kid.” 

“Is that you trying to protect me, or saving her for yourself?” 

Dean tilts his head, taken back at her slick comment but shakes his head in annoyance. You can’t help but feel a bit of jealousy running around in your stomach. 

“I totally missed having you around.” He says sarcastically to Stevie.

“So you boys wanna fill us in now?” You ask. 

Quickly, Sam and Dean are catching you and Stevie up on everything in between with who Gordon is and why he’s hunting Sam down. You and Stevie weren’t surprised the boys are constantly met with enemies along the road, considering hunting was never safe in the first place. And because you had a few enemies of your own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 should be up soon, see yall then!!


	5. Gordon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally get Dixon, but come to a realization about Gordon. Dean is leaving to save you, but you end up saving him while Sam and Stevie deal with Gordon. Reader still tries to process the deal Dean made and how he's dealing with it -- he's not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! new chapter :) added a little bit to the plot and for my reader character. thanks to those who are reading and leaving kudos! 
> 
> remember! don't be afraid or shy to comment, I'd love to read your thoughts!

The three of you are sitting at the table of the motel room, cleaning weapons and gathering things for the hunt. Dixon is gone, Stevie’s hurt and you’re more than exhausted. But, you push through it and get this case solved and finished. 

“How are we gonna find this dude now?” You say, as you lean against the table, watching Dean sharpen his blade. His button up sleeves are rolled up, revealing his rough skin and veins which makes your heart starts throbbing. Dean was many things, from beautiful to caring, protective and rarely soft. But in this moment, he was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. It was like you were a teenager again, thinking about him at moments that weren’t the best times to be eyeing him down.

“Vamp is still out there.” Sam says.

“First things first.” Dean looks up at his brother.

“Gordon.”

“About that… when we find him or if he finds us first, I’m just saying he’s not leaving us whole lot of options.” 

“Yeah, we gotta kill him.” 

“Really?” You and Dean ask in unison. For a quick second you and Dean catch each other's eyes and shrug. 

“Just like that? I mean, I thought you would’ve been like; no, we can’t! He’s human. It’s wrong.” Dean mocks Sam and you let out a slight chuckle.

“No, I’m done. He’s not gonna stop until we’re dead, or until he is.” 

You stare at the brothers and shake your head. “Well, if someone’s messing with the Winchesters then that means they’re messing with me. He won’t see me coming if you’re both thinking about chasing him down before he gets you.” 

“No.” Dean instantly says. “Not a chance. Stevie’s hurt, we can’t risk anything or anyone at all tonight.” 

You glare at him, “How many times are we going to have this conversation? Didn’t I tell you that I’m here to stay?”

Dean stares at you intently, his lips pursed in your direction. 

“Dean, just let her go with you guys.” Stevie says. “The more the merrier… or the more the advantage you have up against this guy Gordon.”

“And Dixon.” Sam reasons. “With him disappearing, he’s bound to show up when we’re out looking for Gordon.” 

“And vice versa.” You chime in. “Come on, Dean.”

Dean throws his hands up and shrugs, “Alright, whatever. But first...I’m gonna need to make sure your blade is as sharp as mine.” 

You gasp sarcastically, “Is that you offering to sharpen my blade for me?”

You watch him smirk and it makes your hear melt. Lately, it was getting rare to see him smile and the memories of seeing it, is the only thing that’s keeping you from breaking down about his deal. The smiles and every good memory you shared together all came flooding back. You want to desperately grab onto him, hug tightly and let him know it’s going to be okay. But you’re unsure yourself if things will turn out that way. Because the road you’re going on now with the boys and Stevie, is about to get dark and risky.  
His phone goes off again and he’s quickly huffing out in more annoyance and answers. It’s hard not to listen in on the conversation, considering the sound of this Bela shouting into the phone and Dean’s voice rising. The phone call is quick, again, and Sam is rising out of his seat to question him. 

“What’d she want now?” 

“There’s a warehouse. Dixon’s hideout, his nest is there.” He answers. “And she also said not to go after Gordon. Leave town and don’t look back.”

“What’s in it for her?” You ask as you furrow your brows. 

“The satisfaction of trying to get on my good side if she sends me tips.” 

You stand up, holding the blade in your hand and smile. “I take it you’re not gonna listen to her advice? Like I said, what feels like days ago, let’s get this vamp shall we?”  
The boys snicker and gather their weapons in an duffle bag, shaking their heads in amusement.

“I can stay back actually.” You walk to Stevie. 

“Hell yeah you can.” Dean says across the motel room.

“Shut up.” You and your sister say together. You sit on the edge of the bed and take a look at the bruises that finally made an appearance on her neck. 

“You know, I’m not one to usually sit back on a hunt when I’m hurt-”

“But…”

“But,” Stevie tilts her head at Sam and Dean and smiles. “We got the Winchesters with us again, like the old days. Besides, I’ll finally be able to catch up on a chapter or two on my book and maybe get some shut eye.” 

You laugh and grab your sisters hand, giving it a light squeeze. She was tough like you, always energetic and non-stop when it came to anything she does. But it didn’t surprise you that she’s staying back tonight. She’d jump on any chance to get a second to read or sleep. As much as you don’t want to leave her here tonight, she insisted and you never want to make her feel like she can’t make her own choices. 

“Alright, but keep your gun close. Just incase alright?”

“Got it.” 

You move away from Stevie as you see Sam approach her. They’re best friends and always have been since the moment they met when they were ten years old. The loss of you and Stevie’s parents weighed so much more heavier on her than it did on you. You let the two talk for a moment as you walk over to Dean by the table, gathering your own weapons. 

“Stevie’s good?” Dean asks as he grabs the bag and throws it over his shoulder.

“Like always.” You smile, turning around to look at her and Sam. “You know, as much as her and Sam are like twins, she’s picked up a lot of your mannerisms.”

“I thought you once told me there’s no one like me?”

Your face begins to heat up as you begin to feel flustered. You had no idea he still remembered that moment, back sometime in 1995. 

“There’s not,” you smile down on the floor. 

You only knew the Winchesters for two, three years after John had saved your sister and you on a hunt gone wrong that ended up killing your parents back in 1992. John didn’t know what to do with two more younger kids, but he did know that your parents were in the life. As much as he didn’t want to get you and Stevie involved, he could tell by the look on your face when he saved you two, that you couldn’t be alone. Neither of you could. So after two years of getting to know the Winchesters, it was 1995 and you and Dean were shy of seventeen, sneaking off into the city with Dean during a case John was on. 

“What are you thinking about?”

“The time you and Sam convinced John to take us all out in New York City. And... how you and I were only sixteen just sneaking off to that damn club.”

“CBGB you mean?” Dean raises his brows and offers a slight smile. 

“Yup,” you laugh. “That place was scary, but that night was pretty awesome because of you.” 

You see him blush and it causes him to panic for a moment as he knows your eyes are on him. He looks away, not sure what to do or say. But before he can come up with a response, you’re continuing to remember that night, going on about how you felt then. 

“We were young, both never saw the city before. You guided me through the city like you knew the place. For the first time, I wasn’t thinking about my parents or worrying about Stevie feeling alone. She had Sam, I had you. I felt like I could take on anything walking through those streets and sea of people. With you by my side…You never let go of my hand, never let me get lost.”

You finally make eye contact with him and shrug with a smile. He’s looking at you in awe of how were speaking, how your eyes were shinning with what almost could be tears, but no. You aren’t crying, not yet anyways. They are just glimmering from the yellow motel light, and he can tell that your smile had reached your eyes too. In the two, three years you haven’t seen each other, not much has changed about you in his eyes. The only thing that did, is how remarkable you’ve became, the beauty you held kept enhancing by the minute every time he looked at you. Even beyond your looks, you somehow became more confident in yourself, hunting and possibly even him. 

You take a step back from the table, now holding your own bag over your shoulder but still kept your gaze on him. 

“I guess the way you acted all night, I realized maybe there’s never going to be another Dean Winchester. And that statement still stands today.”

“You guys ready?” Sam calls out from the opened door and tries to get us to hurry out. 

Dean coughs and raises his hand, gesturing for you to leave the motel first. You wave at Stevie and follow Sam to the Impala. The three of you are leaving the motel in Dean’s car, driving to this warehouse Bela had told Dean about. 

At arrival, there was no one in sight. Outside the warehouse there’s one neon sign like Dean said Bela had mentioned. It was dirty, rusty and quiet. The silence is suspicious as the guys and you start walking down wooden stairs that creek. When you make it into the basement, there’s two headless women tied up and hung by their wrists. You wince in sadness as they weren’t able to be saved. You separate from Sam and Dean and walk further in on the right side of the room, once you see the man Dixon, kneeling on the ground. Sam’s on the other side of the room opposite to you, both raising your weapons. Dean’s in the middle of the room with his blade, as he approaches Dixon, who isn’t move a muscle. 

“Do it.” You hear him say. “Kill me, just get it over with.” 

“What’s going on?” You ask, but he doesn’t answer. “Why did you do this?”

“Just do it.” 

“What happened here?” Sam demands.

“Gordon Walker. That’s what happened.” 

“Gordon?” You question. 

“I never should’ve brought a hunter here.” He says, standing up slowly. “Never. I just...I just wanted some kind of revenge. It was stupid! Exposing him to my family.”

“Oh, yeah you’re such a family man.” Dean states sarcastically. 

“You don’t understand-”

“I don’t wanna understand, you son of a-”

“I was desperate.”

“Why?” You ask. “Desperate for what?” 

“You ever feel desperate?” He asks you, looking back and forth with his eyes between you and Dean. “That feeling where you want something, need it so bad you’d do anything for it? For someone?” 

You gulp down your answer and keep it to yourself. Of course you have, of course you do. Especially right now, after reuniting with the boys, learning Dean’s deal and wanting to save him. But now’s not the time to think more about it. You need to focus. 

“I’ve lost everyone I ever loved.” Dixon starts walking around. “I’m staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?”

Your eyes glance over to Dean and your heart hurts just knowing the answer he’s thinking of, probably a snarky comment. Literal hell is probably much more worse than this hell Dixon’s facing. 

“Well...there’s hell.” Dean points out. 

“I wasn’t thinking… I just-”

“You hurt my sister.” You say. “You’ve hurt some women, taken their lives away. You lost everyone? So did the families and people who cared about Lucy, who cares about these two,” you point to the headless women. 

“Like I said, I wasn’t thinking.” He cries, but he’s calm. “I didn’t care anymore.” 

He starts walking over to you and you raise your gun higher, aiming for his head. 

“You don’t know what it’s like.” He says. “Your sister is alive, no? You didn’t loose a thing.” 

“You know nothing,” you spit. “I’ve lost plenty, I know damn well what it’s like.” 

Suddenly, he turns around to Dean. “How about you? I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking at all. Do you know what it’s like to not give a damn? It’s like...It’s like being dead already.  
So go ahead, do it. Kill me.”

You watch Dean stare down Dixon, his arm still up in defense with his blade in his hand, furrowing his brows in angst. You want to be the one to do it, you want to be the one to take your blade and kill the vampire. For your sister, out of anger. But you keep your eyes on Dean as you watch every subtle movement.

And suddenly, Sam calls out for you two as he stands behind the women. 

“The heads… they weren’t cut off, it was ripped off.” 

“What does that mean?” You ask, not budging from your position and keeping your weapon up.

“It means...someone ripped these heads off with their bare hands. Dixon, what did you do to Gordon?”  
-  
After letting the boys figure out the situation about Gordon, they tell you the hunter is now a vampire. The sun is finally rising after what felt like forever, and you’re sitting in the passenger seat of the impala as Dean drives around. You were hitting deadends, literally, and not getting any sight of Dixon, not even in dark places.  
Hours later, you’re back in the motel room catching Stevie in the act of snoring. She likes to insists that she doesn’t snore at all, so you never argue knowing that it is true. When she wakes up, the boys and you catch her up on the entire case and Gordon Walker. Before you can even rest, you let Sam stay with Stevie as you and Dean start checking around town for more motels, more warehouses and empty buildings. Still, you found nothing and no Gordon. Sam was looking through maps, with help from Stevie, calling places and still no signs of him. The city is large, and it’s filled endless possibilities. That’s what you love about the city. There is so much to uncover, to find but when it comes to your job, it makes things a lot more complicated in big areas like New York. 

“It’s like a giant haystack and Gordon’s a deadly needle!” Dean exclaims not even minutes ago as you three were speaking about him. 

The sun’s going to set soon and that meant Gordon would be become unstoppable. Sam has the idea from what Dean said; Gordon can track him and Dean through their phones, so he takes them and lets the chips out.

Running on no sleep isn’t as impossible for all of you. Maybe when you or Stevie were injured, sleeping was possible. But not today and you can’t wait for this to come to an end so you can sleep for a day. Unfortunately, none on this is going how you want it to go and you’re pretty sure neither does Sam or Dean. 

You let out a long yawn, your eyes becoming watery from the exhaustion. You lean forward and start rummaging your bag for some cash, wanting to grab a lot of coffee for you, Stevie and the boys. 

“Give me a few minutes, I’m going to grab some coffee.” 

Dean’s gun clicks together and you watch him walk over to you in a hurry.

“Not alone, I’ll come.” 

Sam turns his head and stares at you questionably, flickering his eyes over to Dean. 

“Dean… you and I both know the only reason you want to leave this room is to go and find Gordon.” You say as you pull on your jacket and stuff your money inside a pocket. 

“She’s right.” Stevie says. “You do like breaking rules.” 

Dean glares at Stevie and gives her a sarcastic smile. “Oh come on, I need to go after Gordon.”

“No, you’re not.” Sam stands.

“Yes, I am. I’m going.” 

“If you’re done bickering with each other, I’m gonna go get coffee.” You announce, standing in front of the door. “Dean, just stay. I’ll be fine and the sun’s going down in an hour. You’ll just be wasting time. Black coffee still your order?” 

Dean nods but looks at Stevie, “You wanna go with her?” 

“She’s hurt.” You say, but Stevie’s already up.

“I’ll come.” She smiles as she holds her back. “I’m just bruised, Y/N, not dying.” 

There’s silence, and Stevie’s eyes widen as yours shoots up at Dean, to watch him sit down on the dresser. “Fuck.” Stevie shakes her head. “I’m sorry, Dean that was terrible. Yeah, I’m just--I’m just gonna go now…” Stevie leaves the room as fast as she can and you sadly look to Dean. 

“We’ll be back. She didn’t mean to...you know.”

Dean nods, “Yeah, no I’m fine. It’s all good.” 

It’s not. It’s so not good and you both know it. He’s not fine either, but Dean Winchester is so closed off, not ready to face the reality of the deal that he can’t admit it. But neither can you, Stevie and most of all, not even Sam. 

“So, she knows?” Dean asks.

“I had to tell her.” You say. “You’re like the big brother she’s never had, she looks up to you. Thought it would be good for her to know.” 

“Good…” he looks away from you and nods. “Okay then, see you in a bit.”

Little did you know, once Stevie and you leave the room, the bickering between the brothers go on. They bicker about Dean dying, Sam’s feelings about wanting to have his brother with him and start acting like it. You knew if they would have a moment alone lately, that something’s bound to happen. Arguments. Accusations. More arguments. And when you left the motel with Stevie, you’re completely blindsided later on when you leave the diner, only to be knocked out and taken away from your sister. 

An hour or so goes by and you and Stevie haven’t returned to the motel yet. Dean was beginning to worry, so was Sam, but Dean was itching to leave. For Gordon, and to make sure you and Stevie were safe. 

Suddenly, the motel room door swings open and Stevie stands there trying to catch her breath as her eyes are panicking, looking between Sam and Dean. She slams the door with all the strength she had left. The brothers are confused and also very shocked at how long it was taking you two to get coffee. 

“Stevie, what’s going on?” Sam asks. 

“Where’s Y/N?” Dean jumps up and runs over to Stevie, grabbing onto her arm. “Why the hell did it take you so long?”

“We were driving to the diner.” Stevie says breathlessly. “We got there, got the fucking coffees and left.”

“So where’s-”

“I’m getting there, Dean!” Stevie shouts as she begins to cry. “The diner was packed, so it took a lot of time. By the time we left, the sun was gone. We got into the truck, Y/N tried to start it up but something was wrong with it. She got out and tried taking a look but by the time I went to ask If I could help… I think Gordon knows about us being here with you on this hunt.”

“Shit.” Dean curses. “Sam, we gotta go do something.” 

“We do,” Sam agrees. “But we don’t even know where he’s been hiding!” 

“I’m not gonna stay hauled up in here for another second. I’ll flip this entire town upside down to find Gordon and get Y/N back to me- to us. This is Y/N we’re talking about, Sammy.” He huffs out, grabbing his gun and jacket. 

Before Sam can answer, Dean’s phone starts to ring.

“I thought you took the chip out?” Stevie asks.

“Yeah, and I gave him a new phone.” Sam walks over. “You’ve had this phone for like an hour Dean, who’d you give the number to?”

“Nobody.”

“My bet is on this girl Bela.” Stevie says. 

“I swear…” Dean rolls his eyes at the thought and picks up his cell. “Hello?”

“Dean…” the voice is loud from his phone, deep too. 

“Who is it?” Sam whispers. 

“Gordon.” Dean stands up. “How’d you get this number?”

The two of them talk back and forth, Dean being nonchalant for the most part until he visibly starts to look worried. His eyebrows pull in and then the he slams his cell shut and closes his eyes. 

“Dean, what’s going on?” Stevie walks over, kneels at the side of him and grabs onto his arm. “What did he say to you?” 

“He...Gordon took some people.” 

“Some?” Sam asks.  
“He’s the one taking women, using Dixon to help. Now he has another...and now he has Y/N.”

Stevie stands up abruptly and grabs her gun by the bed. “We need to go. Now, before he does something.” 

“Right behind ya kid.” Dean stands. “But-”

“No but’s Dean.” 

“You’re still hurt.”

“Hasn’t stopped me before. Now please, would you just stop letting people from trying to help you!?” 

Sam and Dean stand there, blinking at Stevie as she huffs and storms out of the motel. The brothers glance at each other while Sam shrugs, silently saying how she’s right. But that’s a different conversation to be had, again, at a different time. 

Outside the motel, Stevie is in the truck refusing to sit in the backseat of the Impala. She wants to do something, anything to feel more helpful even when she’s hurt. The brothers get into the car after putting weapons in the backseat. Dean slams his car door and sticks out his hand for Stevie to follow him. She’s not sure where the hell they’re going or when they’re going to find Gordon and Y/N, but never has she doubted the Winchesters. 

During the time they left the motel, Gordon had you walking freely around the basement of yet another abandoned building. You knew he had something up his sleeve for not having you tied up, so you didn’t try a thing, not even leaving or letting the woman he took go while he had you. No, you can’t do anything. But you knew your sister and the guys were coming for you. And even though you knew Gordon is up to something other than getting the guys here, you just needed to figure it out.

“Oh god,” the woman cries out. “I feel so sick.”

You rush over to the woman, bending down to check her. 

“Sick?” You furrow your brows. The woman is sweating, her brown hair sticking to her pale face as she tries to even her shaky breathing. You place the back of your hands gently on her forehead, expecting it to be hot but she was just sweaty. Your hand drops down to her face and turns her head slightly to get a view of her neck.

You jump back away from her and your eyes go wide. Shit, shit, shit. She’s been bit, and this is when you realize, Dixon didn’t do all of Gordon’s dirty work. The ripped heads, the correlation between the two men...Gordon’s a vampire. He is both a hunter and a vampire. Your heart begins to quicken as you realize everything, why you’re here now. Gordon must’ve smelled others on the Winchesters. He knew that they had help and he’s going to try and hurt you to get to Sam and Dean. Maybe even kill you. 

“Listen to me, being tied up like this? It’ll do you good, save you. Just have to trust me on that. I’m gonna get us out, okay?” 

“Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Your eyes close and you quickly shoot up from the ground, slowly turning around to face the man. “Gordon.”

“That’s me,” he says, drawing his last word. “And you’re the one with the Winchesters. The one who’s easily bringing them straight to me.” 

“Oh I’m glad I can help.” You say sarcastically. “Because once they get here, you’re gonna die.”

He laughs, “Are you related to them, because you sound just like them.” 

“Nah, I’m not. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Overly confident isn’t a compliment.” 

“I’d rather be that than a monster.” You spit. “Thanks for hurting my hand by the way.”

“That would mean one less person I have to deal with when your boys come.” 

“So kill me then.” You step forward. “You wanna deal with them without me being in the way, then kill me.”

He stays quiet. 

“You don’t want to?” You question. “Why’s that?” 

“It’d be much more fun to do it right in front of them. Besides, if you’re not related to either of them, I’m sure you have yourself bound with one of them, no?”

You keep quiet this time, trying not to lose eye contact and 

“So I’m right?” He smiles. “Which one is it? The big tall one?” 

You roll your eyes and shake your head in annoyance. 

“So it’s Dean? Noted. I’ll make sure to hurt you first and make him watch. Or maybe the other way around?”

“No, don’t you dare hurt him. I’ll kill you.” 

“You won’t, and neither will they.” He closes his eyes and turns his head for a moment, like he’s thinking or trying to listen for something. “Ah… they’re here. This is gonna be fun.” 

And with that, he disappears and you let out a shaken sigh, dropping back down to the woman who starts to cry again. You let her cry as you try to calm her down. 

“Who are you people?” She wails. “What is he?”

“That’s really not important right now. But what is, is getting out of here alive and-”

You hear pounding footsteps not too far from where you are. Then, lights pointing in your direction. You hear someone call out your name and first you think it’s Gordon taunting you like before, but it’s not. Walking over to a doorway, you stand there with your fists up waiting for whoever it was. Then, you jump back once you see someone. 

“Stevie!” 

She jumps at you and pulls you in for a tight hug. As you rest your head on her shoulder, you see Sam and Dean behind her. 

“I didn’t know what we’d find.” Stevie pulls away. “I thought he would’ve killed you already just to prove a point, to scare Sam and Dean.”

“He didn’t get to do a goddamn thing to me, Steve. Look, we gotta go! Gordon could be back any second.” You say, wincing through the pulsing pain in your left wrist. “But listen-”

“We gotta get you guys outta here before Gordon comes back.” Dean interrupts fast, placing his hand being the woman’s back and trying to lead you and her out. 

“Where’d he go?” Sam asks, his head turns around in different directions as he keeps an eye out.

“He bolted. But I think he’ll be back since you two are now here.” You answer, as you walk next to Dean and the woman. 

Behind you, Stevie and Sam keep their weapons close. The woman begins to sway as she walks and Dean quickly lifts her in his arms to carry her. As you walk besides him, you tell Stevie and Sam to stay right behind you two. You needed to get out of there, and quick before the woman loses her senses and goes straight for your necks. 

Running ahead and picking up your feet, you can almost see the light from the door outside the abandoned building. You were so close to getting out, so close to making sure everyone got to safety. But it isn’t until a metal gate comes closing down, separating Sam and Stevie from you, Dean and the woman. 

“No!”

“Sam!” Dean places the woman down as he joins you at the metal gate pounding your right fist against it. 

“Guys!” Stevie yells, her leg kicks at the gate a few times as Sam thrusts his shoulder against it. 

“Damn it, Sam!” Dean shouts.

“Alright,” you stop hitting the gate and let your right fist linger on it. “It’s not gonna budge, Stevie. Not like that, anyways.” 

“Sam!” Stevie shouts, her body slamming against the gate. You can’t see her, or Sam and it’s only making things worse. With Gordon being a vampire and having a Winchester right in front of him had given him advantage. 

“Leave her alone!” Sam shouts. “You want me, not her!” 

“You are so right.” Gordon speaks. He’s Gordon is taunting Sam, letting Stevie be as she’s slowly fading in and out from hitting her head hard on the concrete. It’s pitch black and Gordon has the upper hand, the enhanced sight helping him out. 

“Fuck, we gotta get in there.” You panic. 

“Yeah I know.” Dean stands up and pulls you with him. He starts to throw himself into the gates as you look around for something useful. You look over at a bunch of metal boxes and your eyes quickly glazes over a metal tool. 

“Dean! Look, a wrench.” You hold it up to him then takes it from you, his forehead wrinkles as his eyebrows pull in confusion. “The chain, Dean. Hit the chains, break it and we’ll get in there!” 

Dean’s using his upper body strength, raising his arms and hitting the chains, trying to get through and save your siblings. But it isn’t until you hear a growl and quickly see Dean being thrown to the ground by the woman. It’s too late -- the woman is now turned and you were angry. She doesn’t deserve this, no one does. As she stands over Dean, getting ready to bite him, you grab onto her shoulders and pull her from behind, dragging her to the ground. 

You notice the silver gun lying on the ground next to you, the one that Dean must’ve had with him. You stare down at it as you pick it up, hesitant to even use something that won’t work.

“A gun won’t work, Dean!” 

Just as you finish saying his name, the woman jumps up at you and knocks you to the ground with hunger in her red eyes, fresh new set of vampire fangs poking out of her mouth. Your face is pressing against the concrete, her hand holding your cheek down as she moves you up. Your neck is exposed, and she can hear your pulse beat immensely fast. You’re still holding onto the gun with your right hand and decide to quickly raise it up, aiming it at her head. In seconds, you pull the trigger and watch as the bullet goes inside her head, her face lighting up blue as she falls backwards. 

The door is still slammed closed, the woman lies lifelessly on the ground as the two of you sit next to each other against the wall, trying to catch your breaths. Dean leans over to you and holds your face in his hand tilting your head back to the both sides to reveal your neck, making sure you’re not bit. Although your face is bloody from skidding against the concrete and letting out groans, you weren’t bit. 

“Hey, you’re alright.” He assures both you and him. “Not even bit.” 

“Neither are you. Thank god.” You wince. “Fuck, my wrist.” 

He looks down and takes on hand off your face to gently hold your left arm in his. 

“I punched Gordon in the face earlier while we fought.” You groan the same time your sister lets out a similar one over the sounds of Sam yelling out to Gordon. “That gun...how the fuck did it kill a vamp?!”

“It’s the colt...I’ll explain later.” 

You hear Stevie call for you then Sam in a panic. “We need to get in there, Dean. Now.” 

In minutes, Dean finally gets the chain broke and you help him open the gate, revealing nothing but pitch black darkness. You drop to your knees and pull Stevie into your arms.

“Stevie?” Dean asks as he takes a step forward into the dark and looks down at her. 

“Out of all days…” she murmurs. “It just had to be me?” 

You and Dean let out a scoff, a smile lingers on you and your sisters faces. 

“Give me the colt, I’m heading in.” He lets his hand fall. 

Once you give him the gun, he stomps forward without any questions from you. He needs to find Sam, kill Gordon and you need to keep your sister save and awake. You hold Stevie in your arms as you watch Sam and Dean scuffle around with Gordon. You want to jump in and help, but you can tell that this is personal and it’s just something that they need to do. You needed to guard your sister in case Gordon tries something again. You lean Stevie against the wall in the next room, hiding her from the fight.

“Hey, hey…” You hold her face. “I’ll be right back, I promise you.”

“Yeah I know.” Stevie smiles as her eyes stay closed. “Those boys are gonna need someone to save their asses.” 

You laugh along with her and scoff, “Ain’t that right.” 

As soon as you stand up and charge into the dark room you, you’re running ahead trying to find them. Once your body reaches further in, you hear something break. Sam is lying on the ground through a broken wooden wall. 

“Dean, no!” 

As you approach Sam who’s walking towards them, your head turns to the right. You see Gordon smacking the colt out of Dean’s hand. He pushes him to the ground and climbs on top of him, his head going right inside his shoulder biting onto Dean’s neck. 

You scream out his name in horror your eyes practically bulges out of your head as you stand there frozen. As tears threaten to spill over, your vision becomes blurry. As you try and take a step forward, your boot nudges into something hard and silver. It’s the colt, Dean told you it kills anything...including Gordon. You scramble to the ground and pick up the gun, ready to shoot down Gordon who still hovers over Dean.

“Hey asshole!” You shout, raising the gun at the back of his head. “Get off of him, now!” 

Gordon slowly lifts his head up and turns around to stare at you. In a flash, he now stands in front of you, the gun a few inches away from his chest. Before you pull the trigger, the gun is out of your hands and your back is pressed against his. He makes you stand in front of Dean while his mouth inches in to your neck. This is the third time in two days a vampire had threatened to bite you, threaten to bite Dean. You want to fight back, but your throbbing wrist is being clutched by Gordon’s hand, keeping you locked from trying to fight back. 

“Let her go, now!” Sam yells, and you feel Gordon’s grip loosen as he bumps into you, letting you out of his hold. 

You leap away from Gordon as Sam wraps his arms around his neck, bent thin wire pressing into his neck. You throw yourself the ground and reach out for Dean as he grabs onto your arms. You pull his head into your lap as you try to soothe him from the pain. You watch Sam pull harder on his grip, the metal pushing into Gordon’s neck as blood comes splattering out. 

Sitting with Dean, you two watch as Sam successfully pulls Gordon’s head off, and thumping to the ground. It rolls over to the two of you and your eyes widen in disbelief that Sam had just did that, saving everyone’s life.

“Dean, it’s over.” You whisper, as he stares up at you his eyes glistening and he’s still panting from before. “Come on, let’s get you up. I got you.” 

Sam stands a few feet away, looking at Dean as you stand up together. You place your hand on the side of Dean’s neck as he wraps his arm around you for balance. He lets out a cough as you look up at Sam whose face is covered with blood. 

“You okay?” You ask him. 

“Yeah,” He breathes out. “Stevie? Where is she, is she alright?”

You three start walking together, side by side with injuries as you needed to get the hell outta here. 

“She’s okay, just beat up a bit.” You respond. “Jesus, Sam that was something…”

“You just charged a super-vamped out Gordon, with no weapon.” Dean tries to speak through the bite. “That’s a little reckless, don’t you think?”

You tug on Dean’s arm as he mocks what Sam said just yesterday in the dark alleyway when he was close to getting bit by Lucy. Dean looks down at you and grips your waist tighter, practically pulling you into him. 

“You guys are something else…”

-

Gordon is gone and the never ending hunt finally came to an end. The cars were off on the side of a road, nearby a huge lake and under a dark blue rusty bridge. There was no visit to the city like you and Stevie planned two days earlier back at the diner, but this moment of silence, peace and finally being done with this vampire hunt was all you need at this point. You were sitting on top of baby, as Stevie and Sam are occupied at the truck, drinking some coffee and probably talking about books or something. You’re holding your left hand up out for Dean as he places the medical kit he had in the truck, onto the hood next your thigh. 

He takes your wrist gently, and swipes your hand with his fingers which sends goosebumps up your arm. 

“Well, at least it’s not your good hand.” Dean jokes. 

“Shut up.” You smile through the pain. “Is it sprained?”

“I don’t think so,” He softly touches around your swelling hand. “Yeah, it’s broken alright. Let’s get this wrapped up.”

He begins to wrap the bandage around your wrist, hand and back and forth, making sure it was securely on you and stiff. He doesn’t want it to come off and wants to make sure it stays put. 

“Stevie knows how to drive, right?”

“Hell yeah she does. It’s stick, my truck. Taught her everything she knows.”

“Good, good.” He smiles as he quickly steals a look at your face, then pays back attention to wrapping your broken wrist. You won’t be driving for a while.” 

“I’ll make her drive us then.” You laugh. 

“Look, I was thinking you’d ride with me for a while.”

“And why’s that?” 

He stays silent for a second before clipping the metal piece on one side of the wrap to the other, making sure the wrap around your hand and wrist stays in place. He coughs, then joins you on the hood. 

“You know, just ride around together as your wrist heals. Could be like the old days.”

You hesitate, not sure you wanna say yes or no. You haven’t actually forgiven him about pushing you away years ago, or the deal. But maybe you needed to, for his sake. Even if it hurt to watch him not talk about it, what his future holds. So you give in, but you make a promise to yourself to try and get him to open up. 

“Okay.” 

“Alright.” Dean nods. “I know… a lot of this probably messed up your plans. Going to the city with Stevie.” 

“Yeah, well nothing ever goes as planned in our lives, you know that.” You shrug and jump off the hood. “No matter how much we dream, or wish for something else. Just gotta stick to saving people, even if no one might not be able to save you.” 

Dean looks to the ground, not wanting to talk about anything involving death or the deal. But he knew you’d find your way to him and make him listen. 

“Listen, I know you said you want to make it up to me, to Stevie about what happened. But I think it’s unfair to me to even let you try. So please, Dean. Try. Talk to us, and maybe you won’t have to deal with this alone. Because you aren’t and never will be.” 

Although he looks like he’s becoming angry, he’s feeling scared on the inside. He has been since the day he took that deal to save Sam. 

You want to ease the one-sided conversation and make sure he’s alright, maybe even take his mind off it all for the rest of the morning. 

“By the way, my truck...she’s a bit broken? I figured I’d ask the best mechanic I know if he’d take a look.” You wink at him. 

He clears his throat. “Yeah, sure. Let me just take a look at baby and I’ll get right to it.” 

“Got it.” You say, walking over to your truck to see Stevie. 

“Can you tell Sam I need him for a sec?” Dean asks, as you nod giving him a thumbs up.

You and Stevie spend the rest of the rising morning on the truck of your hood, drinking coffee and soaking in the sun, watching the brothers work on Dean’s baby for a while. You knew these next few months with Dean are just going to be rough. There’s no forcing him into talking about the deal, but you can be there for him. Ride on with him in his car like how the two of you used to, while Sam and Stevie get to hang out in your truck and drive. Things will never be like they used to be, but hopefully the friendship can heal.

But like always, the things anyone hopes for and dreams of, never goes the way you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do we feel about my 1-2 sentence summaries? continue doing them or do song lyrics instead? OR do both? let me know!


	6. Last Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road, Reader remembers her and Stevie's last holiday spent with her parents before their deaths, as the holiday season approaches. Dean and reader have a quick conversation before discussing the unusual case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still having trouble with the coding on here and how to get certain parts only in bold and stuff.. It'll take me time but here's the chapter..I'm so upset I don't understand how AO3 works LMAO  
> enjoy this chapter and happy holidays!

FLASHBACK: 1992, Texas - last holiday as a family

_It was snowing heavily and nonstop in Texas that year. Although it was melting to the ground, you appreciated the white snowflakes falling against the apartment window making it feel like the holidays. ___

___At just fifteen years old, there were so many things on your holiday list of things you wanted that were either too expensive or seemed too childish for you. It was at that age, you would just stick to asking for fairy tales and other books for the rest of your teenage years. And if you ever received something that felt too young for you, you would pass them down to Stevie. You were sitting on the faded blue couch in your family’s fourth apartment of the last couple of years, watching your parents sit at the dinner table with a bunch of books spread out. They were researching for someone they knew, and since it was the holidays they wanted to get things done by tonight, in order to spend time with you and Stevie. ____ _

_____Since you were born, your parents were trying to balance a normal life and hunting. It wasn’t easy, but they were managing. See before they had you, they met on a hunt and occasionally ran into each other a few times until they decided to team up. They met other hunters and friends along the way, creating lifelong friendships and ended up falling for each other and having you. ____ _ _ _

_______As you sat there, a book in your hands as the record player spins some Fleetwood Mac, your mom’s favorite, you wonder if you’ll end up doing what your parents do. Hunting. They didn’t hide it from you, they told you last year because you were smart. They still kept it from Stevie, she was too young to understand and needed to be protected. Stevie comes running out the small bedroom you two shared, holding some thin children's book ranting at the top of her lungs. She was reading some mystery book, flailing around claiming she solved the case before the main character. ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________“Stevie! I know you love these books, but you have to take it easy.” Your mom laughs as she stands up from the wooden cheap chair and grabs her, throwing herself down on the couch right next to you. Stevie starts giggling once mom starts tickling her. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________“Alright girls,” Your father stands up and walks over to stand in front of the three of you with a smile that he’s trying to hide. “Got some bad news.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________You sit up quickly, pushing your book off your legs and panic. “Please don’t tell me you guys gotta go? I mean, it’s the holiday season and…” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________“Seriously, Travis?” Your mom shakes her head. “Don’t scare them like that.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________“Ah, sorry.” He sits down next to you and pulls you into him. “The bad news is that we won’t be around for New Years. But...we have a few days until we gotta go.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________“Bad news first then the good news.” Your mom turns to you. “That’s always the best order to go in when you gotta tell someone something.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________“So, what’s the good news!?” Stevie jumps out of her arms and starts to dance around the room to the music. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________You and your parents smile, watching Stevie “dance” along the dull creamy colored carpet under yellow toned light, to ‘Everywhere’. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________“The good news is that you get a few more gifts than normal.” Dad smiles._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________“Yeah, our friend Bobby helped us out with these.” Your mom smiles as she stares at yo and Stevie. “And, you get to open them tonight.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________“Only if you girls eat your damn vegetables tonight. I swear, it’s like you’re both allergic.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________On this last holiday with your parents, something you never thought was a possibility, they made dinner together with music playing loudly in the living room. It wasn’t  
rare to have these nights, but it didn’t happen all the time either. After dinner, the four of you were sitting in the living room, which was literally five steps away from the table and kitchen. A few gifts were wrapped for you and Stevie. Your mom sits next to you as Stevie tears through gifts and plays around with them with your dad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________“I want you to know, Y/N,” Your mom begins. “What you dream, what you read...everything you want, you can have it. What your father and I do, doesn’t have to be your life okay? But it’s okay if you want it to be. You have so many options. Although I don’t necessarily want you in that life, I know once you’re older you’ll be capable to make these decisions on your own.” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________Your mom sits down on the floor with you and hands you the gift, watching your eyes glisten from the white lights that hang on the walls for holiday decoration. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________Your fingers gently opened the brown thick paper covering as Stevie ripped through hers. The skinny wool string that was tied around it had come off as you pushed the gift under it, revealing dark green leather. It was The Little Mermaid, an old edition but it was beautiful. Gold lettering shinning on the cover and catching the white lights that were hung up behind you. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________“The Little Mermaid.” You smile. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________“Do you remember when I used to read this to you before bed?” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________She also meant if you remembered her reading some of it before she would leave for hunts. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________“Yeah, I do.” You placed the book down and engulf your mom into the biggest hug. You always loved reading ever since you would listen to her voice reading you fairy tales, classic stories and books that centered on a character taking on anything that came your way. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________“Thank you, mom. I really love it.” You pull away a smile. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________”I love you.” Your mom wraps her arm around you and leans against the couch. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________“I love you too, mom.” You close your eyes and hold onto her arm. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________“Cath, let’s say we do some hot chocolate for the girls and they get ready on the couch for a movie or two.” Your dad says, and Stevie jumps up and runs over to your mom. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________“Sure thing.” She smiles and runs her fingers through your hair. “Can you handle Stevie for a bit?” ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________________________________________“When can I not?” You laugh as you grab your sister and start messing around with her as she continues to laugh and yell at the top of her lungs. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________________________________________As your parents worked together in the kitchen and to make tonight special before they go on one of their last hunts, you sit there on the couch holding the book you were gifted up against your chest. Stevie sits close by you, her hands playing around with some toy that she unwrapped not too long ago. You watch your parents stand close by each other as they make snacks and hot coco for everyone. Your dad’s arm wraps around your mom’s neck and you see him leaning down to kiss her on the top of her head. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________________________________________Sitting there, you smile softly to yourself as you begin to wonder if maybe one day you’ll be just as lucky as them. Whether it’s in the hunting life or not, you were silently wishing you you’d be as smart, strong and brave like your mom and rave and confident like your dad. What they had, you wanted. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________________________________________________That was the last holiday you and Stevie had with your parents. Like they said, they wouldn’t be home for New Years. But a week after that, your parents came home a mess, scurrying around trying to get things packed and moving. It was that very night you realized they were in trouble. Leaving your apartment, you watched your parents get ripped away from you and Stevie by something, as another hunter who went by the name John Winchester saved your life. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________PRESENT DAY, 2007 - inside the impala, on the road._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“You alright over there?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________You start blinking out of your trance of the one last good memory you’ve held on with your family. Clearing your throat, you roll down the impala window to get some air and take a few seconds before you turn your head to Dean._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Yeah, I’m fine I guess.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Are you sure, because you look like you’re sick or something.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“I said I’m fine.” You snap, before sighing and realize that it’s not the best to get mad right now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Tis the season to be merry, am I right?” Dean scoffs as he turns on the radio, pushing the dial for the sound much higher._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Look, I’m sorry. You know I’m not the biggest fan of the holiday season.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“You and me both.” Dean scoffs. “What’s on your mind?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________The silence plays throughout the car for awhile, making you want to open the car door and just jump out and avoid everything. Your parents, the antagonizing memory and Dean’s deal. You start to re-think the idea of sticking around with the Winchester’s, not sure if you can take it anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Dean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________He hums in response as he keeps his eyes on the road._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“I was just thinking about my parents and the holidays.” You say softly as you look back out the window. “Last time I saw them...well the last time I saw them on a normal day, we had a great night. It’s just I see all the christmas lights, all the decorations and I get to thinking about them.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“You miss them.” Dean says._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Every day, but now a little bit more.” You lean against the car door and look back at Dean, wrinkling your forehead as you stare with empathy. “Then it got me thinking about you, about you know...the deal.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Y/N.” His hands tighten around the wheel, his knuckles turning pink as his posture stiffens._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you do know that we’re here. It’s not just us that’s hurting...I know deep down, Dean, that you’re hurting too. And that’s okay, but what’s not is that you’re trying to hide it and I can see it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“I’m-I’m not hiding anything.” Dean says, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he drives. His right arm drops from the wheel and rests on his thigh. “Just drop it, alright?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Dean, all I’m saying is...it’s okay to talk about things.” You reach over and grab his hand to squeeze it, letting him know you’re there. “I know it’s been a while, and things got messy the last time we spoke. But I am here and like you used to say to me, no one has to go through life alone. Especially not this one. So Dean, please…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________Dean begins loosening his hand that is holding his thigh tightly, ready to flip his palm to face up. He doesn’t want to talk, not now and not yet anyways. As it loosens, he slowly turns it over and lets his hand gently grasps on to yours. In surprise of his actions, you smile and keep your hand open, waiting for him to make the next move. A path to forgiveness between two friends and unresolved tension lingers between just the lack of inches between your hands. You’re ready, but he’s slowly hesitating._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________And just as he’s about to make a move to hold your hand, your cell phone goes off catching you two in an awkward space. As he drives, he looks over at you for a moment and you stare into his darkened green eyes After a few rings, you take your hand away and open your flip phone and answer the call._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________Stevie’s on the phone and Sam’s driving your truck, telling you about yet another unusual case up in Michigan. She tells you that everyone should stop soon for a food break and to go over the case before traveling any further._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Stevie and Sam have a case.” You say after a few seconds. “She said to stop at the next exit for food and we’ll go over it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________“Got it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________________________________________________And that’s all he says for the next hour in the impala, before you get to the rest stop and he begins to banter Sam and avoids the (one sided) conversation you two had just an hour ago. You don’t want to push him, but you want him to know that he’s never been alone in this. No matter what happened between the two of you, there will be a way to save him. Even if you can’t get too close to the deal, or the demons or researching a way out, you’ll be there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. Surprising But Not Unusual Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before Christmas Eve brings reader, Stevie and the Winchesters, uncover an usual case about a potential evil Santa...  
> (part one to the christmas/holiday chapter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for the late holiday chapter. I planned on having this chapter up before or on christmas or by NYE, but things didn't work out. but here it is!  
> I focused mostly on 'holiday' instead of christmas, considering this is still a reader insert fic and not everyone celebrates christmas/hanukkah etc.

The four of you were standing in a motel parking lot in Ypsilanti, Michigan and it wasn’t as snowy as you expected it to be. The ground is wet and dark, might’ve been snowing or raining here for the past few days, you aren’t so sure. But the more you look around you noticed a few snow piles every other block, and over sized holiday decorations literally everywhere. Despite the cheery looks on the civilians you passed by, you four had definitely stood out with your tough demeanor.

Against the impala, Stevie sat on top of the hood as Deans scolded her for doing so but let her be as he could never say no to her. She maybe a few years younger, reckless and tough, but Dean has a soft spot for her just like she has for him. Sam held a cream colored manila folder, talking about this new case. 

“Santa?” You keep laughing uncontrollably as you reach into your truck and lift your bag out of the back seat. Once you have the bag over your shoulder, you turn around and start walking with the boys and Stevie to the motel rooms. 

“It’s weird, I know. Could be a possibility, maybe the folklore of Krampus?” Sam says. “We gotta go talk to this Mrs. Walsh. Her husband disappeared according to the reports.” 

You hum, “Alright. Let’s get going.”

Stevie opens up your motel room that you’re sharing with her and waits for you. You reach the door and lean against the wall that’s covered with big red bows and gold glitter. You were beginning to hope the holidays will fly fast and that this case won’t take forever, not wanting to continuously be reminded of the past. 

“I’ll throw on my suit,” You say eagerly. “Whoever wants to join me and investigate, meet me out here in ten!” 

When you walk into the motel room, you throw your bag on the bed and rummage through to get out your long black slacks, a white button up and your black blazer that was folded neatly inside each other. As you unpack it, you notice a few wrinkles and sigh in annoyance. You’ve been forgetting to buy yourself one of those zip up clothing bags to store and protect the only two suits you had. Thinking quickly, you run to the bathroom and turn the heat up on the shower and let it steam, letting your suit hang out in there  
to lessen some of the wrinkles. 

“Y/N!” Stevie calls out. 

You walk out of the bathroom, shutting the door on your way out to keep the steam in, and look at your sister. “What’s up?”

“I figured Sam and I will stay behind, continue to look through the books maybe walk around town. Look for anything suspicious or interesting.” 

“I take it Dean and I will be meeting Mrs. Walsh then?” 

“Yup.” Stevie smiles and you exhale a laugh. You go back to your bag, looking for your fake badge and your gun. Your shoulders are slouched in exhaustion, perhaps it’s sadness for yet another year added to many, without your parents. “Hey, you alright?” 

“I just want to this done, you know?” You stop doing what you’re doing and your knees lean into the bed. “I just...I miss them and I know it’s been such a long time but it hurts..” 

“I know, I miss them too.” Stevie shrugs. “Listen, I know it does. It’s always going to hurt. But then I realize that as long as I have you by my side, I’ll be alright.” 

“You know, I feel like I should be the one saying these things to you. Since I’m older.” You lighten up the conversation as a tear falls down your cheek. 

“We both know I’ve always been a bit more wiser than you.” Stevie laughs as she stands up to hug you. “Every year, I always think about them and then I think about how you saved me.”

“I didn’t save you, that was John.” You reply. 

Stevie scoffs and rolls her eyes, “Yeah okay, he saved us that night. But after that? He just threw us in the back of his car with Sam and Dean. He treated us like we barely existed, he treated us and them like shit. So yeah, maybe he did save me and you that night. But it was you, my sister who raised me and made sure that I was okay with what happened to mom and dad. Hell, even Dean was there for me like he was for Sam. You were there, and you helped me heal. And now that I’m older, I can be here for you in the ways that you have.” 

“Stevie…” 

“Look, what I’m trying to say is that you are always there for everyone.” She sighs. “With the holidays and getting back in touch with Dean...there’s a lot going on, so it’s okay to let me be there for you.” 

The conversation is cut short by a few knocks on the motel door, signaling you that Dean’s ready to get going. You knock your shoulder into Stevie’s arm and smile in appreciation for her kind words for you. “Be right out!” You call out and walk back to the bathroom to shut the water off from the shower and change into your FBI pantsuit. 

“Thank you for that,” you say as you walk out the door, buttoning up the black jacket that went over your white button up. The knocking starts up again and you shake your head in annoyance, picturing Dean standing behind the door waiting impatiently. 

“Alright, Dean! My god, would you stop-” You open the door and look out to see Sam standing against the motel wall. “Oh,” You grin up at Sam who towers over you, but you weren’t short like your sister who looked like could be a kid whenever she stood next to the Winchesters. 

“Sorry. Where’s Dean?” 

“Went to grab us all coffee around the corner for us.” Sam nods. “How are you doing, you know with...everything?” 

“I’m okay, Sam. I think.” You shrug as you walk out the door, Sam following you towards the car. “Just gotta push through this and soon the holidays will be over with.” 

“You know you can talk to us, right? Dean and I...Stevie too.” 

“Of course I know that, thanks Sam.” You bump into his arm, giving a friendly smile. 

“Dean says he wants to celebrate Christmas.” He says after a few seconds. 

“He does?” 

“Yeah, I guess he didn’t tell you because you know…”

“My parents.” You confirm, leaning on the wet Impala door. “How do you feel about it?” 

“He’s treating everything like a last hurrah. And I get it, because he’s gonna die soon, but I don’t like it.” 

“I don’t like either Sam.” You extend your arm up and place your hand on his shoulder. “I want to believe there’s something we can do.” 

“But?” 

“No buts…” You shrug, squeezing his shoulder before removing it and placing your hand in your pants pocket. “I just want to believe we can save him, or maybe just be there  
for him. We have each other.” 

“Yeah, we do.” Sam nods, trying to hide his sadness with a forceful smile.

“Not too get all mushy here,” You scoff. “But uh...If we can’t prevent it from happening, you do know you have Stevie and I. We’re a family and I don’t want you to go through shit alone.” 

Silence stays between you two, as Sam is afraid to even utter a word without any tears threatening to spill. These conversations were going to happen, no matter how much Dean or anyone else wanted to have them. Suddenly, Dean is walking back to you two, catching the last few words of your sentence. 

“Don’t go through what shit alone?” He raises his brows as he stands in front of the Impala facing you and Sam. 

“Ah nothing, just the research.” You smile. “So, Sam and Stevie will be hanging back while we go see Mrs. Marsh.” 

“Okay.” Dean nods. “Here ya go...two large black coffee for you nerds.” Dean hands Sam the coffee as he roll his eyes at him. 

“Thanks, jerk.” Sam says, before he tells you two he’ll see you later as he disappears into the motel room to hit the books with Stevie. The four of you were the brains and the muscles, but it’s overly obvious that Sam and Stevie absolutely love the research aspect of it all more than you two. It had its moments, but it frustrated you and Dean a lot more. 

“Look at you, blue steel.” You squint at him up and down, staring at his all black FBI suit. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you like this.” 

“Yeah, I do pull it off don’t I?” Dean says, handing out a coffee cup to you. His green eyes are almost staring at you lovingly as a tiny smile plays on his lips as he looks you up and down. 

“Been awhile since I’ve seen you in that.” He coughs, making his way to the drivers side of the Impala. You’re oblivious to the way he starts to get nervous as you just stare at him, distracted by how good he really looks. “You uh, you look good.” 

“I’ve grown up some more, Dean.” You laugh as you stare over at him with a smirk as you begin to tease him. “I can tell you have too. A lot actually.”  
You finally see it. He’s taken back, but in a good way he thinks. You see him fidget as he stands there trying to process whether or not you’re flirting with him, or trying to make him flustered and break down his ‘cool guy’ exterior. 

“So, you ever gonna let me drive this?” You change the subject to ease not only his nerves, but yours as well. You tap on the top of Baby and flash him a smile.

“This?” He scoffs. “Not gonna let you drive my baby. Not until I’m dead.” Dean raises his brows, a tiny smirk forms on his face as he smoothly gets inside the impala, leaving you still leaning against the closed car door as you listen to the impala get started up. 

You laugh in bewilderment and step aside to open and get inside the passenger seat. Once you’re settled, you look over to him watching his hand is turning the dial to pick the right music station as his eyes focus ahead. He starts driving slowly down the road, away from the motel and to Mrs. Marshs’ home.

“So, who are we today?” Dean asks, as he peers over at you. 

“You are Agent Mick.” You grin to yourself in amusement. “And I’m Agent Nicks.” 

“Mick...Nicks.” He murmurs to himself. “Fleetwood Mac, really?” 

“Says you.” You scoff. “Do I need to count all the names of rock star and couples you’ve chosen for us?”

He chuckles after taking a moment to recall all the names he’s picked out for you two in the past. All the purposely chosen couples from bands, or names of groupies and all things 1970’s and occasionally some people from the 90’s which you chose, made him smile. Although he hadn’t had a simple life, and you not being able to remember much about that slight part of yours, he wishes (and as did you) he could go back in time where you two were just kids, teens trying to get by and enjoy life. 

“Yeah...those were the days.” 

“Dean…”

“If you’re about to ask me if I’m okay, the answer is yeah I am. Now, are you?” He glances over with his eyebrows raising in question. 

You roll your eyes and avert them to the window. “Let’s just get to Mrs. Marsh and get this case over and done with.” 

“Alright.” Dean sighs, focusing back to the road, leaving you to settle with your thoughts as he was left with questions and thoughts of his own as he reminisces past holidays spent with you. Days where things were slightly different and better between the both of you. After the discussion with Mrs. Marsh, you called Stevie when you were finished as you and Dean made your way back to the motel room to meet them. 

Inside the motel, the atmosphere between the two brothers felt off, just like it is between you and Dean. After explaining the story that Mrs. Marsh told and the facts Dean and you figured out, the four of you slumped around you and Stevie’s motel room. The air inside was hot, filled with the smell of coffee and the old lore books.

“So, you found a tooth?” Stevie questions. “Wasn’t there a clean house? Thought they checked everything.”

“When does the police really ever do their job thoroughly?” Dean asks. 

“True.” Stevie chuckles as she leans back in her chair. “The tooth, where was it?” 

“In the chimney.” You stand up and walk to her, placing the tooth on the table then crossing your arms together against your chest. “My guess is maybe this evil Santa did it.  
Obviously, but the point is, her husband disappeared.” 

“The chimney..I don’t know,” dean raises his hands up, “there’s just no way a man fits up a chimney, it’s too narrow.”

“There’s just no way he fits up in one piece.” Sam adds.

“What are we thinking, evil Santa sliced and dice the man?” Stevie suggests. 

“Maybe, or possibly just dragged upwards. That can explain the tooth. We just need to figure out why him.” You say. “Look through the books, figure it all out and fast.” 

“Alright! You guys hit the books, I’m starving.” Dean stands up and throws his leather jacket on. There was something about the rugged, beat up jacket on him that always made you feel both uneasy and sympathetic. Possibly because he looked so good in it, while on the other hand you knew it was John’s and you never like the man. 

“We just ate breakfast.” Stevie digs at him. “How are you so hungry all the time.”

“Yeah, we had breakfast like hours ago!” Dean says. “Oh come on, you’re telling me our life doesn’t make you hungry all the time?”

“You know what Dean, go get food.” You gesture to the door, shaking your head. “But please, just bring me back-”

“More coffee, I know.” He winks your way as he opens the door. “See ya.” 

“Your brother is something else.” Stevie stands up to walk to the bathroom, looking at Sam and you. “I don’t know how you two are related and Y/N, I don’t see how you love him.” 

“Stevie!” You gasp, letting out a confused laugh at why she stared at you while walking backwards into the bathroom with a huge smirk on your face. You were so thankful Dean left for food and not witnessing an attack on your feelings for him (you pushed it down and away though, pretending like they didn’t exist).

You hear Sam chuckle from behind you until you whip your head around and stare at him flustered. “I don’t love him.” 

“Yeah, sure.” Sam shakes his head, while opening his laptop and typing away. You scoff and grab the pile of books on the table and throw yourself on the bed, brooding within the books trying to stop thinking about things and focus back to the case. 

After a while, Dean comes back and Sam and Stevie are stuck on the evil Santa idea. All of you kept thinking it’s crazy, but everything you’ve encountered was crazy. So things aren’t far fetched in this life anymore, not even an evil Santa in all the lore you’ve read and researched. Sam was beginning to give up on the idea until Dean had sat down with you, going over each others notes and stories. Sam’s eager and you both realize that the two victims went to the same place before they disappeared, or were dragged up the chimney. Santa’s freaking Village. 

“Alright boys, you head to Santa’s Village while we hang back. Maybe look over the town again.” You say, standing up to put on your coat. “We meet back at a diner, or here in a couple hours.” 

“Give us a ring if you find anything.” Stevie says, following you out the door with your jacket. 

“Why did we get stuck with Santa’s Village?” Dean says to his brother once you two are out of the room. 

“Don’t be baby.” Sam rolls his eyes and laughs, before leaving Dean in the motel room alone. 

As the boys went to visit the village and informed you that they’d be investigating through the night over at some cosplaying Father Christmas’ trailer. Sam said he fits the description, so you and Stevie decide to look back at the victims homes in hopes to find something you and Dean had missed. Sneaking into the homes were easy for Stevie and you, more so for Stevie since she was short and was extremely quiet on her feet. But everyone that knew you and Stevie knew that she was strong as hell and that no one should judge her the way she looked or stood short. 

When Stevie and you make it, nothing is found but a wreath that doesn’t look quite traditional, and not in a good way. Very silent, Stevie suggests that maybe you should snap some pictures and take a sample back to the motel for Sam and Dean -- maybe it’s something. The rest of the night is spent in the motel room together, half asleep and waiting for the brothers to return. 

The two of you were jolted awake as Sam and Dean burst through the door with urgency. 

“Seriously, why can’t you guys ever stay calm?” Stevie groans. “Barging in my motel room. What, did you two break the door?”  
You groggily laugh and stretch before standing up. “You know, she’s not wrong. You almost took down that door. Did you forget you guys were six feet tough guys?” 

“Alright, enough of this banter.” Dean scoffs. “Evil Santa has struck again.” 

“How? Weren’t we all just out and about?” You say. “How did we not know?”

“Just happened.” He answers. 

“Hey,” Sam says, walking to the table and picking up a part of the wreath you took. “We found this too.” 

“Oh, so it’s important?” You ask. “Stevie said it might be something but she can’t remember what it was. Mentioned something about pagon rites.

“We gotta call from Bobby.” 

“Bobby…” You smile. “I haven’t seen him in awhile. What did he say?” 

“I told him you two were here with us, sends his love.” Sam smiles.

“Called Sam and I morons too.” Dean raises his coffee cup at you and smiles before chugging his drink.

“I miss him.” You say. 

“Me too. We’ll have to take a trip to him soon.” Stevie mentions. “Did you mention the wreath?” 

“Meadowsweet.” 

“Meadowsweet!” Stevie exclaims. “Fuck, I knew what it was.” 

“How do you know?” Same asks..

“I don’t really, but I remember reading some lore once, mentioned the herb and paganism. I don’t think it’s good...you know, considering what’s going on now.”

“Yeah, yeah. Pagon lore.” 

“Wow, amazing.” Dean says flatly as he stares between Sam and your sister. You smile in amusement before sitting next to Dean at the table, drinking some coffee he had brought for you and Stevie. 

“They used meadowsweet for human sacrifices.” Sam explains. 

“So, it’s not evil Santa then?” You ask.

“It’s not Father Christmas from the village..so probably not.” Dean says. “What exactly is it?”

“Kind of like a chum for their Gods.” 

“What’s the point in using that in Christamas wreaths?” Stevie asks, joining you three at the table. 

“It’s tradition I guess. Every christmas tradition is pagan.” Sam explains. 

“Christmas is Jesus’ birthday.” Dean purses his lips as he walks over to Sam. 

“Ah, see Jesus’s birthday is in the Fall.” Stevie says, as you three turn to look at her. “What, I know everything okay?” 

“Yeah, besides it was actually the winter solstice festival-”

“Alright, can we get back on track?” You ask, smiling at the brothers. “The pagans, the meadowsweet?”

“Right.” Sam says. 

“So, a Pagon God maybe?” Stevie asks. 

“A God? Well that’s a first.” You furrow your brows. 

“Don’t believe in a God?” Dean asks. 

“I live life like this,” you turn to Dean and explain. “I kinda won’t believe it till I see with my own eyes, some proof. Like the spirits and monsters and demons.” 

“Oh I know…” he nods. “Not judging.”

“So, I’m thinking Pagon God.” Sam confirms. 

“If you’re saying Pagon God and mentioning the winter solstice, my guess is god of the winter solstice.” Stevie says. 

“Yeah...name is Hold Nickar.” 

As the conversation goes on, you reach back for the lore book re-reading some sections about the winter solstice and the human sacrifices. Your eye catches that the God is supposed to give something in return for the sacrifice yo make for the person - weather change. Then it clicks. Arriving in Ypsilanti days ago and noticing no heavy snow or harsh weather anywhere. Just when you stand up and walk to the motel door and open it, Dean looks out the window just as Sam mentions mild weather. 

“No storms, no heavy snow…” You inch back and shut the door. 

“No snow in the middle of December.” Dean points. “In the middle of Michigan.”

“It’s definitely the Pagon God then.” Stevie jumps to her feet. “How the hell are we gonna kill a God?” 

“Sam?”

“Bobby’s actually working on that for us.”

“I love that old man.” Stevie smiles. “So I guess our next move, we figure out where and who is selling those wreaths.” 

“You think they’re selling them on purpose?” Dean asks her. 

“Probably? I don’t know. We just gonna find out and find out fast.”

“Yeah, figure it out before there’s a fourth victim.” You say. “We’ll split up again, yeah?” 

Dean stares at you, “You wanna-” 

“Sam and I will go into town, find a card store or some christmas shops. You and Stevie can wait for a call from Bobby, do some more digging.”

Dean coughs as you ignored him. You knew he would want to split up with you again, but after Stevie had brought up your repressed feelings for Dean, and it being christmas season, you didn’t really want to wallow in any of that. It’s ironic, you heading into town where everything you’re surrounded by is decorations. But you’re not sure how long you can sit in a motel with hot air from the rusty heat filling the room. 

You make your way to the door, waiting for Sam to grab his jacket. 

“You better hand the phone over to Stevie when Bobby calls.” You look at Dean with a soft smile. 

“Of course.” 

And with that out of the way, Sam and you had left the motel room and made your way into town with him driving your truck as your wrist was still healing from the last case. It was silent in the truck. Both of you reeling on the inside about Dean and this Pagon God christmas case, filled with anxiety and exhaustion. You were thinking this better be over with, smoothly and fast. All you want and need...is sleep.


	8. Holidays Suck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The four of you are getting closer to solving the mystery and putting a stop to the Pagan God. The Reader begins to confront some feelings and rising emotions you still don't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this short chapter and dragging the holiday/christmas episode chapters out! i promise chapter 9 will conclude the episode. I wanted to focus on a slither of information I wrote for the reader and decided to split the chapter and post it now :) the next chapter will be up this weekend.

Sam and you both sigh as you leave a christmas store of some sorts. The holiday season is starting to feel like it’s dragging out the longer you’re on this case. Like every year, it’s just bringing you down into a weary mindset. You’re noticing the little attitude that began to surface just days ago when you were noticing the date was getting closer to the holidays. After spending some time in the shop, Sam and you found out about a woman, Madge Carrigan, who made the meadowsweet and is the one selling them for free. They were all sold out of it, and this makes it harder for you, Sam and you to pin point and prevent the next wrongful death. 

Back at the motel, Sam and you split ways and headed into your own motel rooms after saying goodnight. Walking into yours, Stevie lay across the bed on her stomach and her hair up away from her face. You look at the carpeted floor, which is now covered in junk food wrappers and a few sets of coffee cups and soft drink cups. You glared over at Stevie and raise your brows, silently scolding her for the mess.

“How did it go?” Stevie sits up. “Sam and you find anything?” 

“Not really. Did you and Dean have a productive time?” Your eyes glance back and forth between the junk on the floor and your sister. 

“Not really.” She smirks. “You should’ve stayed behind while I went with Sam.” 

“And why’s that?”

“Oh you know why. Come on, you and I both know that Dean and you share some kinda unspoken...thing? I don’t know, but Sam and I can see it and I’m pretty sure if we had friends they’d see it too!” 

You roll your eyes and sigh, making your way to the bathroom for a quick shower and a change of clothes. 

“Just...just shut up.” You roll your eyes.   
Stevie laughs and throws her head back, falling back on her back in bed. You turn around when she begins speaking again. Her head is in her hands, resting her arm on the off white pillow. 

“I can’t make you realize anything, but you do know this thing you’ve had with him since we were kids is special right? Even if things haven’t been the same since the stupid fight, that bond can’t be broken. Even if it feels like it. You should spend some time with him for how ever long we’ll be around with them. You know...till his time is up.” 

You know she’s right, but you’re still so unsure about it all. Of course there’s this friendship, but it needs to mend. Growing up, he was one of the only consistent friendships you had - not counting your sister. There are times you’ve seen him, really saw him an attraction that’s scary so you pushed it down. And you still do. Not saying anything back, you leave your sister as you enter the bathroom, alone with your thoughts. 

Washing your hands, then your face, you proceed to wipe your face with the rough hand towel that dangled off a silver round holder. After drying up you rest your hands on the sink, leaning over and giving yourself a moment to breathe and let your mind rest. You raise your head, eyes open staring at yourself in the mirror. All you see is the sadness and exhaustion in your hunching shoulders and heavy eyes, bags underneath. Your mind begins to wander through every memory shared with your parents. It was so long ago, and people have said that the longer someone you love is gone, you’ll forget the way the look and sound.   
But for you, that isn’t true. Every day just surviving and constantly thinking about that night. You have so many doubts as it became a blur every day since they died, since John took you and Stevie in. It’s like ever running into the Winchesters weeks ago for the first time in a few years, you’re starting to remember things in a different light. But then again, you were feeling lost. 

The next afternoon, Sam called you two over to their motel room and gather for a quick meet up about the case and what he figured out. Walking into the room, you’re met with Sam sitting on his laptop while Dean is carving away at some wood to make them into stakes. A small garbage bin from the motel was in between his bow legs, his sleeves rolled up and out of the way. 

“You know, you’re completely missing the bin.” You watch him as he hunches over the bed, wood pieces flying everywhere. You smirk over at him and watch him come to a stop from carving the wood. 

Dean is frozen, his eyes carefully move around to notice a lot of wood around him. 

“No I’m not.” he denies, staring back at you then resuming his actions. You laugh and stride over to the other bed, sitting across from Dean. Sam and Stevie sit on the old black leather couch hovering over his laptop, checking out some research. You reach over to Dean and decide to help him out, you not missing the bin at all. In doing so, you both stare at each other a few times, often when the other isn’t looking. Dean still completely misses the bin as you keep the mess to a minimum. 

For the next few hours, Sam finds a few things that really turns the day around. The pattern of disappearances and the Carrigans moving from Seattle to Michigan. Sam and Stevie jump at the case, explaining to you and Dean what the next move should be: focus on the Carrigans and all the Pagan stuff. Bobby had called Dean, while Sam and you were out, with information on the Evergreen stakes that can kill this Pagan God. Supposedly, it can and that’s what Dean is shaving down, creating a couple for the four of you. 

“What’s the plan then?” Sam asks packing up his laptop and standing. 

“The four of us split up. Head up to the Carrigas’ home and see what’s up.” You say. 

“That’s too risky.” 

“Sam’s right.” Stevie speaks. “The four of us together, someone will see us. We’ll need to split up for sure, but not at the same time. I’ll go first with someone, we’ll go in when it’s empty.”

“I’ll go with you.” Sam volunteers. “We’ll head in, bring the stakes. You and Dean can wait outside, keep an eye out for us just in case. Scope out the place inside.” 

“Okay wait a minute,” you speak up, “why are we going in when no one is home?” 

“Just to be sure it’s really them making these people disappear.”

“And so we don’t accidentally kill people who are innocent.” Stevie says. 

“Alright so it’s set then.” Dean stands with two stakes in his hand, holding it out for Sam and Stevie. “You two be safe. We’ll be right behind you.”

“Got it.” Stevie smiles as she takes the stake from Dean’s hand. “Let’s get this shit over with then! Come on Sam.” 

Sam chuckles at Stevie as he raises his brows at you and Dean and follows her out the motel room door with his faded dark green jacket. You’re still sitting down on the messed up bed as you watch the door close, Dean’s army green covered back turned to you. 

“Those kids are such nerds,” Dean says turning around. “But Stevie? That girl...seriously I don’t know where she gets all that energy from.” 

You laugh at him, sighing right after. “Yeah, well she hasn’t been like that in a long time. Part of me thinks I helped, but I know seeing Sam again...seeing you again, has lifted her spirits. Like a lot.” 

Dean’s lips stay pressed together in line as he smiles, his eyes squinting with almost what it seems like sympathy. He slowly walks over and sits back down on the edge of his bed, his body leaning over as he rests his elbows on his legs. 

“Has she been alright?” Dean asks a few seconds after silence goes by. 

“Like I said, she seems better now than before.” 

“You’re talking about when you and Stevie left that night?” 

“Yeah, well when you kicked me out of the hunt.” 

Dean sighs and glares at you. “I’ve already apologized for that…”

“Barely,” you roll your eyes, but sigh to calm yourself down. “Sorry, I know. I guess I’m just saying now that we’re all a team again, seeing her best friend again...She’s happy. And I love that for her, I do.”

“But?” He raises his brows as you shake your head. You look down at the carpeted floor and bite your lip. Being vulnerable with Dean has barely been a thing, but when it does it usually never goes well, especially when you talk about touchy subjects. 

“You want to feel what she feels.” He implies.

“Sounds like I’m jealous, I know.” You sit up straight and crack your knuckles, preparing yourself to stand up and get ready to leave the motel. “I’m constantly hurting, and it doesn’t help that it’s fucking Christsmas time either. Something doesn’t feel right…”

You continue to ramble as Dean sits there, listening intently. 

“It’s just...it’s all blurry and Stevie doesn’t remember much. I wish I didn’t remember a thing from that night. She’s healed from it all, I don’t think I ever had. Then seeing you again...I was so hurt, but then I was ready to forgive you and move on. Then I find out about what will happen to you. It fucking sucks, and I don’t know how to handle it all. Why can't I just feel...happy? Or just even content with life?” 

A breath. You finally take a breath before the tears escape your eyes, but suddenly you begin to panic as you realize you’ve released all your emotional stress in front of Dean.   
Today certainly isn’t the best time, and you instantly regret it, especially since you realize it’s not okay, not when Dean is dealing with something bigger. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” You sniff to clear your nose. “I shouldn’t be complaining, it’s not like I’m the one with the deal. It’s insensitive to you.”

He shrugs. “Look, Y/N...problems are problems. No matter how big or small, life threatening or not. But I’m fine, no need to stop just because I’m gonna die soon.” 

Your mouth gapes, a soft gasp leaving your mouth. Hearing it come out of his mouth, hearing the slight crack in his voice and the front he’s putting up makes your heart break.   
It was moments like these; remembering your parents, these vicious hunts and Dean’s deal. Is this life even worth it if you’re constantly reminded on how much it all hurts? 

“Please don’t…”

“I’m fine, Dean.” You stare right into his green eyes. “Holiday’s fucking suck, that’s all. I’m gonna go grab my things, then meet you at your car.” 

Dean stands there, the back of his legs against the end of the bed, watching you leave the motel room without waiting for a response. You know he’s hurting inside, you know everything he feels even when he’s not showing it. And Dean knows you know, because you and him are similar, close.


	9. Anew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the strange case comes to an end, Reader and Dean have an emotional conversation at the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a flashback in this chapter, so be aware and read carefully! xo 
> 
> please feel free to comment!! would love to hear what ya'll think!

The day passes really quick. Not much conversation occurs with Sam, as you two sit in the impala across the street from the home of the Carrigans. Dean and Stevie have been inside for quite a long time and your legs won’t stop bouncing up and down in a fret that something must’ve gone wrong. Then, you wondering why and how the hell Dean let Sam take baby, but then you remember that when Stevie and Dean team up, she loves to call the shots. Your fingers start to shake, one peeling a hangnail on your thumb in anxiousness. This is a two person job, how the hell did it take this long? Especially if it’s Dean and Stevie. 

“Dean and Vie have been in there for too long, Sam.” 

He looks down at his watch, eyebrows raising in surprise. 

“You’re right.”

You grab the stake next you, “so, let’s head in.”

In minutes, Sam and you are peeking through a mirror and glancing in, you see the Carrigans cooking sweetly together side by side. You turn and look up at Sam, squinting at him in question trying to understand what happened. Where is Dean and Stevie, and why aren’t the Carrigans doing anything evil? Sam and you take a few steps back and lean against the side of the house, out of the view of the window. Staying in silence for a few moments, you begin to think that you are right -- the four of you should’ve done this   
together and not split up. 

“Okay, I don’t get it.” You announce. “Did they not go in yet, or-”

“Your truck is still here. They have to be inside, maybe waiting for the perfect moment?” Sam suggests, frowning with a shrug. 

“Something isn’t right, I can feel it Sam.” 

“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll call them, yeah?” Sam takes a moment to pull out his phone and dials a number, his hand on his hip, waiting.  
Instead of watching him, you turn around and take a peek back inside the house. Instantly, you hear a faint and familiar song ring inside. Tilting your head in confusion, your eyes go wide once you see the faded green jacket lying on the floor, and a few inches, sticking out of the doorway, are the thick boots of Dean’s. Oh no. 

Fuck. 

Turning around, you grip on Sam’s forearm in a rush and stare at him with your mouth agape and eyes searching for his. 

“What? Are you okay-”

“I think they’re inside.” You panic. “I heard Stevie’s ringtone, saw Dean’s jacket and I think...I think they have them trapped inside the house. I saw his boots.” 

Sam’s eyes light up and looks behind you in the direction of the window. He drops down to the ground and pulls you with him. Before you can say a word, he raises his finger to his mouth and then points up to the window, signaling that he saw someone. He then gets up on his feet and waves his hand for you to follow him. 

“Sam, we are not splitting up. Look what happen-”

“I know, I know but hear me out.” He raises his hands in front of him. “You take the back, so they don’t see you coming. I’ll go straight it, and I’ll distract them. Maybe you can get to Stevie and Dean, then we can work together.” 

“Sam…” 

“It can be risky, but it’s simple Y/N, alright?” 

You shake your head, “No. You take the back. I’ll go right through the front, that’s that.” 

“Okay.” He lowers his hands, then through the impala’s window, he takes out a gun and quickly tucks it into the back of his pants. “Let’s go.” 

As you approach the front door of the house, you suddenly hear screaming and a couple of curses. It’s Stevie’s voice and your heart begins to thump against your chest. Without anymore hesitation, you bust through the door with all your strength, shoulder throbbing with pain as you use it to bust in.

“You bitch!” You hear Dean’s scream echo through the house. 

“Oh, my goodness me!” 

“Get away from him!” Stevie yells. “I promise you, when I get out of these things I’m gonna fuck you both up!” 

You still can’t see them, as you hide behind the door of the kitchen waiting to see a signal from Sam coming from the other side. But since you don’t, you bite your lip and   
slowly take a peek though the kitchen. Mrs. Carrigan is laughing while she scolds Dean. Her husband is walking around the kitchen and finally comes to a stop in front of Stevie. 

“You know, cursing to your elders is not nice.”

“Well, I’m not nice, so…” Stevie responds. 

“Stevie, you shut your mouth.” Dean says, his voice wavering like he’s in pain. You try not to smile at his protectiveness of your own sister and instead shake your head once you see Sam on the other side. 

“You fudging touch me or her again, I’ll fudging kill you!” Dean exclaims. 

You see Stevie wincing in pain as Mr. Carrigan takes a knife to her arms, slicing her a few times. Dean suddenly starts cursing, and you look further down and see Mrs. Carrigan doing something to his fingers. 

“What else, dear?”

The couple stands together, adding ingredients to a bowl as they smile and stare at each other lovingly as if they hadn’t been hurting people for the past few days… maybe even years.

“Well, see we have...the fingernail, blood...sweet Peter on a popsicle stick! I forgot the tooth!” 

The more seconds go by, the more heated you get inside. You can’t wait, or think of any plan...it’s stupid but you push yourself into the kitchen and present yourself to the Carrigans. 

“Nah, I think you forgot about me!” You raise your stake and look at them with menace. You see Stevie beginning to slowly pass out from the amount of blood she lost, and Dean panting. Sam is finally in the room, his steak hitting Mr. Carrigan in the back of the head, making him lose balance. You let him deal with that as you quickly take Stevie and Dean out of their tight ropes, but in an instant, the drop to their knees in weakness. 

“My evergreen stake...it’s in the basement! Dean’s too.” Stevie says groggily. 

“Hope you got yours.” Dean says, as the Carrigans make there way towards you three. 

“Oh, I do.” You smile wickedly. “Had a good man make me one for tonight.” 

You wink down at him and join Sam in fighting off the Carrigans. Every time they try and take a jab at either one of you, you dodge them with ease and start walking backwards to get them away from Stevie and Dean. You let Sam walk further away from you to get the couple away from each other, leaving you to fight off with Mrs. Carrigan. 

“You hurt so many people,” you begin, “and now you hurt my family. And you wanna know what happens when you hurt my family?”

“Oh my dear, they were intruding!” She smiles as her voice gets louder, trying to sound mean and scary. She grabs onto the back of your head, finally getting a hold on you, yanking you by the hair. 

“They break into my home and interrupt my holiday--”

“How’s this for interrupting?” You stab the stake straight into her stomach, and pushing it all the way up to reach her heart. 

You grunt and push her off of you, letting her grip on your hair fall as she plummets to the carpeted floor. After exhaling a breath, you look over to see Dean and Sam doing the same to Mr. Carrigan, and finally things are over. With a nod to your head, you see Stevie crawling from the kitchen, trying to make her way over to Dean who’s on the floor trying to catch her breath.

“Stevie.” You say, grabbing her from the floor and untying the rope still around her. “Goddamn it, Vie, are you alright? Are your fingers oka-”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine.” She groans sitting up. “Dean? Dean, are you alright?” 

You watch Stevie panic for Dean, crawling on the floor to make sure he’s okay. You follow her movements and slide on the wooden floor, holding onto Stevie’s arm. Sam finally walks over, panting, and looks down at the three of you. 

He holds his hand to his arm, groaning. “I’m fine.” 

“You alright?” He asks, presumably to all of you. “I can’t believe that happened.” 

“We can’t either.” Stevie rolls her eyes up at him. “The one time I can’t actually save my ass, it’s two old pagan gods? Gotta be kidding me.” 

You scoff out a laugh and shake your head. 

“I’m glad you two are alright.” Sam says. “Your sister was about to have a panic attack once she recognized your ringtone and saw Dean’s jacket.” 

“Yeah, well, when your sister and best friend go missing, it’s bound to happen.” You bite your lip once you realize the word ‘best friend’ slipped out of your mouth. You look over to Dean and see a faint smile, then at Stevie who smirks up at you just like Same does except he’s trying to conceal it. He fails miserably. 

“Okay, okay,” you huff in annoyance, “let’s get things cleaned up and get back to the motel.”   
-  
The boxy old clock glows green in the motel room, along with christmas decorations that hang on the old wallpaper. It reads four am and you yawn, body stretching out in front of you on the small couch. You look to your left and see Stevie slowly breathing in and out, snoring silently on the bed. You can clearly remember the last time you celebrated the holidays. A kid Stevie, teenage you and your parents spending time before they left on their last hunt ever. 

Some black and white Christmas movie plays on the crappy tv, the volume low as you stare at it in a sleepy haze. You think now is a good time to catch up on sleep since the case really took a toll on you emotionally. You stand up to shut the tv, ready to flop on the neatly made bed. Before you can, a soft knock catches your attention. It’s way too late for any cleaning person and it couldn’t be the boys since they were getting some time alone for Christmas before Dean’s inevitable future, whenever that was coming. You sigh in annoyance as your hand stays on your gun behind your waist, walking to the door. Peeking through the peep hole, instantly a distraught Dean standing their patiently for you to answer. His shoulders are slouched, his head leaning down as his arm is reached out in front of him, leaning on the wall beside your door. 

You pull yourself back, putting the gun on a small table by the window. Quietly, you open the door and come face to face with him. Dean looks up, his lips curled a tiny bit in a smile but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes at all. 

“Come on.” He says, holding up a bottle of whiskey and shaking it as he walks away to the parked impala. He didn’t even give you a chance to greet him. 

“Well hello to you too,” you say to yourself. 

You glance back at Stevie soundlessly sleeping as your arm reaches to the hook and pull your leather jacket down. You walk out of the motel room and shut the door quietly, throwing on your jacket and wrapping your arms around your waist to protect yourself from the cold.

A few feet away Dean lifts a whiskey bottle to his mouth, his pink plump lips wrapping around the rim of the bottle taking a big gulp of the fiery taste. Above you, by each white motel light that lights up the walk way, you notice mistletoe’s hanging underneath each one. It makes you smile as you remember a mistletoe that your mom would always hover above your dad’s head and he would kiss her gently on her forehead every year. And then it hit you…you had your own memory underneath a mistletoe.

The memory of your first kiss ever, around the holidays. With Dean, when you were both eighteen and in a school that John had left you four in while he was ‘away’. 

\--- FLASHBACK, 1997 - FAIRFAX INDIANA ---

“I just don’t understand.” You muttered underneath your breath, throwing yourself down on your back to rest on the motel bed with your feet hovered over the ground. 

“Don’t understand what?” 

The bathroom door opened and it startled you, making you sit up fast. Dean came walking out, throwing on a forest green button up over his grey tee, making you swoon just a little. He makes his way over to the table and sits down on a chair, keeping his eyes on you. 

“Dean, hey.” You sighed and leaned against the motel headboard and pillows for stability. “Just talking out loud about my thoughts.” 

“Wanna share?” 

You hesitated. “Eh, I don’t know. Just my parents, I miss them and I know Stevie is still hurting. And then there’s school, the people there...some of them are a bit cruel.”

“Okay.” He stood up throwing on his leather jacket and grabbed yours that hung on the hook by the door, holding it out for you. “Come on, let’s take a walk.” 

“Is this you trying to cheer me up?” 

“Of course it is.” He smiled as he tilted his head, wanting you to join him. “I’d do anything to make you smile.” 

Your heart pounded against your chest. He was always there for you the moment you met and never turned his back. But this time? It felt different, and it made you feel overwhelmed with new feelings that had risen inside you. The two of you spent some time walking around the motel area, before branching out to walk to a diner that was just a block away. He would throw a few couple jokes at you in attempt to make you laugh, and it did. It was Dean for crying out loud. The waitress came over and Dean ordered you two hot chocolates before anything else, so that you warmed up. 

“Alright, tell me.” Dean slouched into the booth before he checked out an older waitress head to toe before fixing his eyes on you. You let out a scoff and roll your eyes at him. 

“What?” 

“I know you love checking out women, but I didn’t peg you for older ones.” You joked as you watched him roll his eyes. 

As he rolled his eyes, Dean on the inside began to heat up. You didn’t know this, no one knew… but it wasn’t just women who caught his eye. But everything was repressed, just like it was for you - no one knew you were attracted to girls too, maybe your sister had a feeling...but it wasn’t said. Maybe that was why you two bonded? Because you were the same.

“So, come on,” he coughed, “What guy did this?”

“What?”

“What guy did this?” He repeated. “Do I have to kick some ass?” 

What guy… you thought. You could lie and pick some random kid from school, but knowing Dean, he’d probably go give that guy a tough conversation. Or, you can tell him the truth. It was a girl. But you weren’t ready for that. So, you’d lie and tell him yeah it was a guy, but I’m not telling you anything more. 

“Just...a guy.” You lied. 

“What’s going on?” 

“I told you before, people are cruel at school. And I hate the damn holidays, alright? So can we order food now?”

“You know how much I love food, but I think that can wait for a sec.” 

“Really?” You tilted your head down and squinted your eyes at him as he nodded. “Anyways, I thought that maybe someone at school was you know...interested in me. Turns out I’m an idiot and got played.” 

“Played? What happened, who did it?” He sat up straight in the booth, eyebrows furrowed in in seriousness. 

“I just...I don’t understand how people can be so cruel, you know? Playing with people’s emotions, manipulating someone.”   
Dean looked taken back, hoping you weren’t thinking about him and his girl troubles growing up and how he’s treated some of his relationships and flings that way. He took a deep breath and exhaled, nodding his head for you to continue. 

“As pathetic as it is, I’ve never...I know you have, a lot-”

“What, sex?” He asked. 

“No- well, yes. But...I’ve never…” You stopped talking to look down at the cup of hot chocolate that was untouched. 

“It’s alright, you can tell me.” Dean reassured you. “It’s me. You can tell me anything, Y/N.” 

You closed your eyes for a moment before taking a nervous breath. You removed your hands from the cup and placed them in your lap, fiddling with your fingers in anxiousness. Dean waited for you patiently as he let his eyes roam on your blank face. He didn’t like when you looked like you were in agony, or upset or on the verge of tears. Ever since he met you that night, he didn’t like to see you distressed. And even then, he still managed to think you were beautiful. But it wasn’t something he ever could act on, or commit to those feelings considering the life and how close you two were. He then looked at the Christmas decorations around you two as he waited. The dangling, sparkling tinsel caught his eye along with the amusing mistletoe above. 

“I’ve never been kissed before, by anyone. The other day I thought it would happen...but then yeah, I got played because I guess I’m not good enough for anyone. Even here in Indiana.”

Before Dean said something to cheer you up, he took a deep breath to get ready to give you some advice, something. He looked to you then back up at the mistletoe. He let out a laugh and smiled to himself. 

“What’s funny?” You scold. “Look, we’ve been on the road, to schools, motels together for two years now. I get close to you, tell you everything and you laugh?” 

Dean’s ears perk up, and drops his smile. “No! I’m not laughing at you, I never would. I just..it’s pretty ironic.” 

“Oh nice, thank you.” You rolled your eyes. “If you’re done, I’d like to get back to the motel now. Forget the food-”

“I was just...look, you’re sitting in front of me talking about you’ve never been kissed after a guy humiliates you. And..and just right above, there’s that.” 

Dean pointed up to the diner ceiling and the two of you both looked up. Your cheeks were heating up in a moment of embarrassment and nerves. Dean smirked, leaning his arms on the table and titled his head up at the mistletoe, then back at you. 

“I mean, come on. It’s like this was supposed to happen.”

“Dean...you don’t have to kiss me, or feel sorry for me.” You muttered, taking your eyes off the mistletoe and then glancing over at the almost empty diner. You didn’t want to meet his eyes, afraid he might be pitying you. 

“I know exactly what you’re thinking, Y/N.” Dean shook his head. “I’m not gonna kiss you because I feel sorry for you. I want to kiss you...because-” He paused, flustered like he was about to say something he shouldn't. He wanted to. “Look, it’s tradition.” He lied. Well, yeah it’s tradition but he wanted to kiss you because he always did. And not because of his needs, or the way he kisses other girls at schools...but because it’s you. 

“I said you don’t need to.” You shrugged. “I know it’s tradition...mistletoe. And I know I’ve never been kissed, and I was humiliated the other day. But you don’t need to do this.”

“I want to-”

“Dean, I really don’t need any sympathy.” You smiled. “It’s okay, as long as you’re here, I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ve never been your type at all. Not like that matters, but come on look at me.” 

You raise your leg up from outside the booth, showing off your black beat up doc martens with mixed up thick socks. They were extremely expensive, but you stole them since you didn’t exactly have anyone to buy you or Stevie clothes as you continued to grow up. Your jeans were baggy, considering the fact that the clothes you bought or stole were from second hand stores and mostly from the guys sections. However, one of Dean’s old flannels from years ago fitted you nicely, like it was made for you. It was faded blues and greens, but you loved it and never gave it back. And just underneath that, you wore a tight spaghetti strapped black tank, and it really made you feel nice like you were someone who fit in at school with the girls who had nice clothes. 

“I’m not exactly catching anyone's eyes. Especially yours. Look at me, I’m literally slumming it.” 

You were wrong, but you didn’t know that. It also wasn’t your fault you grew up poor, and neither was it your parents. Hunting in your family was in the blood, a never ending line of hunting and never really being able to afford crap. 

Dean wanted to tell you that of course you were his type, but he kept pushing those feelings down and opted out in telling you that. 

“Listen to me when I say...maybe you don’t know when someone’s looking at you.” He said this, and thinking about the times where you wouldn’t notice him looking at you, captured by your beauty. “Or when you catch someone else’s eyes.”

“Dean…” 

He shrugged and stood up from his side of the booth, sliding into yours smoothly. 

“I’m just saying… don’t be so hard on yourself, ever.” He bumped int your shoulder. “So, is this alright? Can I?” 

“Shouldn’t uh...shouldn’t a first kiss be with someone you care about?”

“Who the hell made those rules?” Dean scoffed, a smile danced on his face. 

“Dean, I’m pretty sure your girlfriend won’t like this. At all.”

He flinched and looked away, shook his head while he shrugged. 

“What?” 

“Amanda...we’re not together anymore.” 

“Oh…”

“You good?” He asked, ignoring the heaviness of the topic on his ex.

“I don’t know.”

“Look, I care about you. Always have, always will. So what better person to have it with? Besides, I said it was tradition and I’m pretty sure you care about me too.” 

You smiled very little, biting your lip out of habit. “I do...just go gentle with me.” 

“Yeah.” He nodded. Pushing all the feelings away, all of the nerves and trying to become the smooth flirt he was, Dean moved your hair out of your face and gently touched your cheek as his other hand held one of yours in your lap. You turned your head and he began leaning in, ready to kiss you under the mistletoe. 

“Wait.” You whispered as you turned your body just the slightest, to face him. 

You kept your hand in his, but the other one went to grab at his side, holding onto his leather jacket. He couldn’t feel that, but you were squeezing it tight. You nodded with closed eyes and took a breath. His thumb swiped your cheek a couple of times trying to ease the nerves he saw running through you. His eyes were still open and looked at you adoringly and with caution, afraid of letting those feelings rush out and ruining this for you. He leaned in and gracefully placed his lips on yours. Your heart was thumping against your chest, your stomach rolled and it wasn’t because of your hunger for food, but for the nerves and that weird feeling. He was kissing you, he was really kissing you. 

Your best friend, your...someone who cared for you and vice versa, someone who really went out of his way to make sure your own sister was safe like Sam was.   
Someone who would really never hurt you. 

His lips were warm, a slight chocolate flavor from the hot chocolate. As he kissed you, there was no movement. Just one long peck, until you got brave and leaned into the kiss adjusting your mouth to his. He let out a small, surprised gasp once you kissed back as his hand squeezed yours and his hand on your cheek slid further down and to the side of your neck. In just seconds, the two of you pulled away and didn’t look at each other. 

You two sat there until closing time at the diner, and you muttered a thank you to him. It was awkward, but his hand gave you one last squeeze to make you look at him. And you did. 

He smiled softly, “Anything, for you.” 

\---NOW, Ypsilanti Michigan--

Gosh, it was so long ago and you’re not even sure he remembers it at all. But you do. How can you not? It was your first kiss, and although it was awkward and you were only eighteen at the time and most people forget their terrible firsts kiss… it wasn’t terrible for you. In fact, it introduced you to feelings that you never felt before, never understood. And still, everything kept confusing you. The love you held for Dean since being a teenager began to branch out further than just being a teen having a crush, or having needs as you got older. You aren’t sure how to approach all of that, and you know those tensions between you and Dean are probably just because of the problems. The fight years   
ago, the deal now...there’s no way he has romantic feelings for you anyways. But of course, you didn’t know that as you’re oblivious to how he really feels. Yeah, he loves you. 

But you don’t know that he loves you in that way.

As you shake your head, ridding the memories for just a moment, you take a deep breath before you walk over to the impala and sit on top of the hood, joining him at his hip. It’s quite, between you two and throughout the town. The motel wasn’t filled, the parking lot is pretty much empty as the light poles and red neon light from the motel sign illuminates it.

“Little late for rum, don’t you think?”

“I don’t.” Dean breaths out a laugh. 

“Was Sam’s eggnog not strong enough?” 

“It was, but I needed it straight. Keeps ya warm, you know?” 

“Yeah, Sam made us try it. Stevie might’ve told him to add more rum…” 

“Oh that little shit.” He laughs shaking his head, and you stare at him as you watch his smile fade slightly. “I’ve missed her...Missed you too.” 

He’s not looking at you, but at the ground or at the rum bottle in his hands. It stays quiet between you two for a few moments, him offering the whiskey to you once or twice, and you kindly refusing. 

“I missed you too. Believe it or not.” 

You hear a faint chuckle from him as you watch him. You’re wondering why he brought you out here, but then it comes to you. Maybe he wants company for the night or he wants to talk about something. Maybe it’s specifically the deal, or even the past. Maybe he’s trying. At this point, you were growing sick. Not literally, but the thought of his death coming soon and not being able to spend time to get back or move on with him could definitely make you vomit. 

Dean notices the way your shoulder slouches and your hands beginning to fidget, eyebrows furrowing in in thought. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You pull your shoulders back and stare at him in disbelief. 

“What’s wrong?” You repeat. “Everything. I miss my parents, a lot and it just doesn’t feel the same to celebrate holidays without them. I feel guilty whenever I feel an ounce of happiness or in the spirit. And you.”

“And me?” He furrows his brows and scoffs. 

“Yeah, you.” You hop off the impala and turn to him. “I know we already had this conversation about how we can’t do anything to save you, but I don’t believe that. I mean, there has to be something, anything…I can’t lose you, I-”

You take another breath. “You’re my best friend and I can't let that happen to you.”

He watches you panic and puts the bottle of whiskey down on the impala and stands. Great. You’re breaking down in front of him as if it was you that made the deal. You’re beginning to feel a bit selfish, guilty even for making this about you when you aren’t even trying to. 

“I just...between us, things need to be okay, okay?” You sigh through the light tears falling on your face. “You told me you’d make it up to me, few weeks ago back at the bar. I was mad, but I don’t want to be anymore. I just want…”

You grip onto his jacket and pull him into you, hugging him as tightly as you could surprising him. He’s caught of guard but he welcomes the hug, for both you and for him. 

“I really just want you to know,” you begin to say as you pull away from him. “I hope you know how much you mean to me, Dean. I’m done being angry at something that happened two, three years ago. I’m done and I promise you, we’ll find a way. I’ll help you.”

“Don’t make promises like that, Y/N.” His voice breaks. “Not when there’s no way to get out of it.”   
As his voice breaks, you heart begins to shatter. You take a step back to really look at him and make sure he sees you when you talk to him. 

“Dean… you don’t deserve death. And I know you don’t want to die and we supposedly can’t do a thing about it… but you can’t avoid this. So please, I hope you know I’m here. Sam’s here. Stevie. We will always care. I will always care.” 

“Y/N…” Now he pulls further away, turning around and walking underneath the motel scaffolding where your motel room door was. He sighs, a hand running over his face then through his spiky hair. First you think he’s leaving you and this conversation. To run back to his motel room and never speak about this again.   
“Hey.” Your voice raises. “Hey.” 

“I know we both turn to running away from our problems. Or not facing them, or when we do we do it alone. But it’s not just you and Sam anymore, it’s not just you alone on the road. It’s us. It’s Sam and Stevie, me and you. I just...I just want you to know that we’re here. I’m here.” 

You look at him with hopeful eyes, not blinking and searching for his. You’re not sure what you can say to him anymore and get him to see he doesn’t need to face the deal alone. His head snaps up and his eyes are watery. Everything is breaking your heart and now reality is setting in for the both of you. You take a step toward him and your hand   
reaches for his and grabs onto it, holding it in front of you. 

A blob of red catches your eye, hanging just by the motel light in the walkway. You huff out a quiet laugh and look above his head. The light shines over him, some glistening tinsel intertwined with the greens of the mistletoe. 

“It’s tradition.” You bite back a smile. 

“Like old times, huh?”   
He leans down just a little bit, pressing his forehead against yours softly. He gulps as his eyebrows furrow in. Your eyes stay open, watching is up close facial expressions anticipating the kiss. Grabbing onto his rough jacket, you squeeze the material to pull him into you further by the waist. One of his hands travels up to rest on the crevice   
between your shoulder and jaw line. His thumb swipes back and forth on your jaw, making you feel warm inside. 

“Yeah, like old times.” Your eyes glare upwards referring to the mistletoe. 

He lets out a tiny chuckle, then instantly but delectly presses his lips into yours. You weren’t expecting this at all, not tonight and not since the last time you’ve kissed. You open your mouth slightly, just enough to kiss back. Both of you weren’t sure what this is and the only reason that is clear, is the mistletoe above. His lips taste of the rum and you try not to laugh or indulge more into the kiss. It isn’t awkward, thank gosh otherwise you’d feel incredibly nervous. But it feels right, it feels okay, like maybe things are falling in place even if it came at such a terrible, heart wrenching time. 

It’s all ends quickly but not abruptly. Dean sighs after he detached his lips from yours. He pulls away, eyes still closed, and lets out a shaken breath. Your fingers gently brush his hair by his neck, trying to get him to relax his tense shoulders. 

“I can’t.” 

You open your eyes and watch him open his. 

“Hey…” You whisper. “Don’t-”

“I just-”

After seconds of staring at each other, he takes a few steps backwards. He drops one hand from your face and the other from your waist. Before you can say anything, something to let him know it’s okay, he whispers a goodnight and turns around to walk away.

“Dean.” You call for him, but your voice isn’t loud and he doesn’t look back. He just disappears into his motel room, leaving you in the cold underneath the yellow motel light.


	10. Winter's Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the road, reader and Stevie discuss and look back at their life. This leads to Reader wondering more about that night their parents dies, leaving her confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really content with this chapter! And I can’t wait for the next few chapters and where I’m going with this!  
> happy valentines/galentines everyone!! my gift to you is this chapter a day early! stay healthy and have a great day/night!

You’re not someone who enjoys the brisk air, nor the overwhelming heat in the summer. But even the weather in between, it never lasted for so long. Even when you are finally content with the cool air and the changing of the trees colors that you’d pass by on the road. No matter how much you wish the winter season would be over with, it seems like you’re stuck. Driving in your truck without stopping gives you both a headache, but a sense of relief that you’re no longer hauled up in a ugly or deteriorated motel. 

After dealing with a disgusting and an extremely weird case with fake witches and a real one, it made you realize how much Dean actually hates witches. It was funny though, his disgust of them. But it made you feel weird? The confusion of why you felt weird had given you goosebumps, your stomach filled with queasiness, and your head to hurt. But you’ve brushed it all off and focused on the case and the demon, Ruby, who you and Stevie met during it. She was something else. Beautiful, strong and extremely cunning. The way Dean and her spoke to each other spoke to you, telling you definitely not to trust her. Even if you had no exact reason, her and Dean bickering is good enough.

Now, on the road, Stevie sits next to you in the passenger seat of your midnight blue pickup truck, blasting nineties music. You laugh as you listen to her sing along to some Red Hot Chili Peppers song, her face turning red as she belts out unevenly. 

It’s times like this that give you a moment of pure contentment, peace away from the life. Nothing stays on your mind and all the problems are forgotten as the music plays, your sister singing or drumming her hands on the dashboard, along to music making you happy. Even if it’s just for a second, or an hour, that’s the only happiness you truly feel, and sometimes it scares you. Sometimes, it makes you feel like this is the only thing you’re deserving of. 

Suddenly, a blaring ring starts going off, interrupting the music and Stevie’s voice. She lowers the radio, then takes a few deep breaths before opening her flip phone. Her eyes light up as she reads the name, and you glare at her suspiciously when taking your eyes off the road for just a second. 

“Hey there Bobby.” Stevie smiles as she picks up the phone. “You’re on speaker. Y/N’s driving.” 

“How’s my favorite girls doing?” You can hear the smile coming from his end of the call. 

“We’re doing alright.” You answer him. “How’s our uncle bobby?”

“I’m good as ever. I just wanted to let you know I’m heading out on a case later today. Won’t be home, but if you’re around, feel free to let yourselves in. Stay around till I can get to see you both, and the boys if you’re with them still.” 

“We appreciate that Bobby.” You say, a smile playing on your lips. “Yeah, the boys are still with us.”

“I hope you still have that spare key-”

“I do!” Stevie exclaims. “We’re a few states away from you. I’m thinking maybe we’ll get to you in two, three days tops if we stop by.” 

“Listen, you know I hate you two staying in motels. The boys are one thing, but...maybe going back to your old place ain’t so bad.” 

“Bobby.” You roll your eyes, even though he can’t see you you know he’ll sense it. 

“I know you’re adults now, but don’t give me that tone. Y/N, Stevie...I know you can hold your own. Hell, you can take down some of these monsters without any help. But I just want to see you two have a place, a home where you can go to and not worry about anything else.” 

There’s silence lingering in your truck as you and Stevie take a few seconds to absorb everything he’s saying to you two. Of course it sucks, and you both absolutely hate the motels, probably a lot more than the Winchesters do. But going back to your old apartment? The place that was once a safe space, a loving home with your parents and sister, is now just a memory. 

“Isn’t that what your place is for?” Stevie jokes. “I hope you know how much we love you, Bobby. For all the things you’ve done for us, not leaving us out like John did.”

“My statement still stands, always will. You both know that. My home is your home. I gotta go take care of this case. I love you girls. Tell Sam and Dean to take it easy, alright?”

“Sure will,” Stevie laughs. “Love you too.” 

“Love you more, Bobby.” 

Stevie hangs up the flip phone, throwing it back into her duffel bag on the car floor by her feet. The rest of the ride is filled with more music, and a broken heater system inside your truck. The cold air had taken over, which reminded you’d have to have Dean take a look at it for you. The truck was years old, but there’s a part of you that never wants to let it go. It’s the first car you’ve ever driven, the first car you saved up for and the first thing you can truly say is your own. It makes you feel proud, but it makes you frustrated at it for being old and keeping your skin and bones cold. 

Finally pulling over to stretch your body from driving, and grab some gas, Stevie gets out too and runs over to the impala parked on the side of the store. Guess they didn’t need gas just yet -- food’s too important to Dean. 

“Sam and Dean are heading into the store, I’m gonna go too.” Stevie walks to you by the gas tank. “Wanna come with?” 

You bite your lip in hesitation, looking behind Stevie to watch Sam and Dean wait by the impala talking to each other about who knows what. The second Dean’s eyes catches yours, your cheeks heat up and you instantly look away. 

“I think I’ll stay behind for a few. Clear my head.” 

“From what?” Stevie stares at you with suspicion and laughs. 

“From your damn music, that’s what.” You smile, passing off a lie. Stevie waves at you, then turns on her booted heels and skips down over to the brothers. You watch them walk into a department store, laughing at the height difference between Stevie and them. 

For what feels like forever, you’re already finishing up with filling up your truck with gas. The store was huge, so you knew they were going to take their sweet time, browsing through food, clothes and other miscellaneous items. 

Setting yourself up in the back of your truck, you carefully pull out your book and rest your head on a makeshift pillow using your bags and a sweater you haven’t worn in a while. Although the brisk air is hitting your cheeks and making you shiver, you throw your legs over the window and let them hang. 

No matter how many times you read The Little Mermaid, it never gets old. It makes you feel nostalgic, it makes you have some hope for your future. But it also makes you confused. Page after page, you’ve always felt like you can be Ariel, except you know you’d never sell your soul, or voice for something you want. No matter how much it hurts to admit that, no matter how much you try and convince yourself to move on from this life...there’s never going to be a moment of satisfaction or true contentment away form this life. 

“Reading The Little Mermaid again?” 

You’re laying down in the back of your truck with your legs hanging over the window. Jumping just a little from Stevie’s voice, you flinch. You look up from the book and see her outside of the car, holding up some bags of food shaking it to taunt you. 

“It’s been awhile.” You sigh, closing the book and sitting up. Placing it carefully back inside a pouch, and inside your bag, you take the clear plastic bag from Stevie and start digging through. “Oh great, coffee cake and coffee. Thank you. You guys took forever.”

Stevie widely smiles, “I looked very hard in there. I needed to see you smile. Are you okay?” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Stevie gets into the passengers seat then spins around to look at you. “You and Dean. You...It’s just I know when you’re not doing okay. I just want to know, are you okay?” 

You look away and down at the paper cup and take the lid off. The steam from the coffee immediately hitting your face, causing you to move it away from your face. It would make you a hypocrite if you ignored Stevie’s questions, and your issues. You just told Dean not too long ago not to run away from things, and here you are wanting to escape by staring into the cup. 

“Not really, no.” You shrug. “I...we lose our parents. I’m about to lose Dean. I don’t think talking about-”

“Neither will facing what you’re going  
through, alone. But I get it though.” Stevie nods. “You love him. You love him, but haven’t gotten a chance. I know it all to well.”

You squint at her for a few seconds in curiosity, then answer her. 

“I don’t love...I don’t know.”

“Oh come on, Y/N. We spent years with them, I see the way you two look at each other. I’ve heard the things you’ve done together when Sam was in college, when I was focused on online school away from you two. You were both on the road, got closer.”

“The things we did were out of boredom. When we were drunk.”

“You can’t deny there’s something there.” She argues. “You two are so damn stubborn it’s insane actually.”

You scoff and roll your eyes. “Stevie, even if I do feel something I don’t want me to realize it just because he’s about to die. He doesn’t deserve that, neither do I.” 

“You know, you may feel that way Y/N, but life is short. Whether it’s because of a damn demon deal, or a sickness, or just any normalcy… everyone deserves to know if someone loves them. It’s too short to keep your feelings pressed down. It’s not good for anyone.” 

Staring at her while she talks, you gulp while blink away a tear. You sniff once then raise the coffee to your mouth, gently sipping. You’re now avoiding it. 

“Y/N…”

“Stevie, thank you. But like I said, I can’t love him out of fear that I’m losing him.”

“He’s your best friend, I get it. Thank you for not scolding me though.” She smiles.

“Well, you’re driving now. To make it up to me.” 

Stevie drove for the next few hours until we saw Sam and Dean pull over. Since the four of you have been following each other around for a couple of days, searching for cases and resting, you knew when the others were tired. The impala pulls over into parking lot of a motel, the pink neon letters with purple outlining and a blue exclamation point at the end, shines bright and illuminates the lot.

“Hey.” Sam walks over with his hands in his pockets as he helps Stevie and you with grabbing some bags out the truck. “So, Dean and I still haven’t found any cases. Figured we’d take the night to get some sleep, check again tomorrow.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

“Oh, Sam, that reminds me.” Stevie walks over with her forest green duffel bag over her shoulder, and black worn out book bag on the other. “I still got books I wanted you to see! Folklore, some creepy supernatural shit too.”

You smile at them as they walk into Sam and Dean's motel room, ready to probably stay up and read all night. Dean shoots a subtle smile at you, almost like he's sending you   
sympathy. Instead of scolding at him, you nod your head at him and repeat the gesture before grabbing your bag and disappearing into your motel room.

As the night slowly goes by, like how your days have always melted into one, Stevie finally gets back to your shared motel room after hanging out with Sam. You and Dean have been avoiding each other since the last case and since you’ve kissed at the last motel. You hate when you and Dean don’t talk, especially now since no one knows the exact time or day he’ll meet his end. You’re not ready for that, Sam isn’t, neither is Stevie, and you know Dean is not at all prepared for his future. 

You rest on your motel bed, your eyes slowly shutting has a sleepy haze takes over you. It’s not until the bathroom door swings open, that takes you out of the haze and stare back into the book. 

“You and The Little Mermaid.” Stevie chuckles, walking out of the bathroom. “Why are you so obsessed with it? I know mom gave it to you that year, but…”

“It’s the story too.” You explain. “Ariel, she just wants to live a life she’s so curious about. Something different, new. Sometimes I feel like her.” 

“Hunter’s life, right?”

“Yeah, exactly. Every time we step out into a new town, pretending to be someone who we’re not, it just kinda gives me a taste of what I could’ve had if I didn’t chose to be like mom and dad. What you could’ve been.” 

“Hey, I like this life.” Stevie says. “I might suck, a lot, but saving people, fighting and the adrenaline. The other hunters we’ve met...I’ve made my choice, and I know I’m young but I like it.”

“Do you? Aren’t you afraid of what it might do to you? I mean, you’ve seen what happened to mom and dad…”

She hesitates for a moment and shakes her head. “I didn’t see anything.”

“What?” You sit up from the bed, staring intently. “What do you mean?” 

“I was a kid. Everything happened so fast, John Winchester pushed us away from it, them whatever it was.”

“That’s weird.” You say, your mind suddenly becoming blurry. 

“Yeah.” She breathes. “Listen, I know we haven’t really talked about that night, but I think the reason why I can’t is because I don’t remember losing them. I miss them, I remember some things about mom and dad. But you...you had more time with them, you remember more. So, maybe you think that if they tried getting out of this life but they failed, means you will too. But that doesn’t mean a thing, especially if you haven’t tried.”

Her words linger in the air as you take a second to take it all in. Since you’ve understood that your parents were gone, since the Winchesters showed up, everything’s glossed over. Ripped away from your parents, 

“I don’t remember much either, Stevie.” 

“Don’t dwell on it, dude. It’s been years, you miss them. I just think now with Dean, you don’t want to lose him like you lost mom and dad.”

“Yeah…” 

You don’t remember much. And that is what’s bothering you. The blurry memory of that night, and the inconsistencies messing you up. It’s like the cute butterflies in your stomach fluttering around have turned black, making you feel as anxious as ever, scared about the things you have no clue about. The darkness of the motel room, the only light is the array of pinks, purples and blues glowing through the window, keeps you up through the night. The cold air creeping it's way in through the crack of the door, the window a few inches open, makes you shiver. But you aren't bothered to think about the sharp cold. You lay there, blankets bunched up to your waist, with the vague thoughts and barely there memory of your parents death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are you feeling about the fic and chapters so far!? Let me know and leave a comment :) I love hearing people’s thoughts!!   
> Also? Did anyone catch the bi lighting in this chapter? LOL i live for that <3


	11. Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader wakes up from a dream in which takes her back to the night her parents died, but she didn’t fall asleep at all, which leaves her wondering more about that night, and having more doubts about the past and her future. Dean and Reader have a talk that neither of them expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy this chapter!! i'm really excited for where this is going, hope you're still here!  
> don't forget to drop a kudos and comment -- I'd love to hear your thoughts about this chapter!!

1992, TEXAS -- THAT NIGHT

It was like no one else was there in that moment. No John Winchester, or his sons. Not even Stevie, or your father. It was pitch black, not even the shinning stars that were flickering in the Texas sky that night were above. It was just you, frozen with your mouth agape a few tears falling onto your cheek. Your mother wailing, cursing just a few feet away from you, just like you remembered. Her hair a mess, dirt a blood mixed together all over her body.

But no, she wasn’t hurt like you thought she was that night. There was no wounds except for the ones on her face. Gushing blood from whatever or whoever caused it. It made you want to throw up, but you stood there in disbelief. 

The apartment building appeared, your home and the car your parents drove just feet away from where you stood. You heard other voices, chanting in song but you don’t see them. Whatever or whoever it was, you hear them chant together, occasionally hearing your name and your mothers. It was all confusing, and you weren’t sure. Standing in the street by the curb, you screamed out her name. Mom. You wanted to know where Stevie was, wanted to see where dad was...but your body couldn’t move. It was like someone, or something had you body stuck in a trance. 

She turned to you, some blood pouring out the side of her mouth as she tried to speak. You rushed to her but something, or someone, stopped you from moving. Stopped you from seeing and remembering the truth. 

“Remember, Y/N.” You made out her words. “You are strong. Like me. You...need to remember this. And keep your sister safe. Remember.” 

Remember? Remember what? 

You squint in anguish and your heart bashed against your chest as your entire body trembled with horror. Just a kid, standing in front of your mom as you tried to understand   
what was happening. You felt yourself fall to the ground. Suddenly, a pair of big hands are grasping at your waist and pulled you up and walked you backwards, away from it all. 

You watch a sudden bright flash of golds and white lighting up in front of you, smoke everywhere as your arms waved around and tried to reach for your mom. But she’s gone. And so is your dad. Behind the flashing lights and the smoke, you see them. Dark silhouettes, no more than five probably less, you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure that night. 

Their voices still chanting, singing something. Nothing but a trail of blood on the concrete, going the same direction. Your sneakers were soaked at the bottom, from the rain and   
possibly some blood. 

And then, you were being moved away from your home. Nowhere in sight of the neighborhood you grew up in, your parents gone...The tears are falling as your forehead rests on the cold window of the unknown car, Stevie resting at your side. You felt like your voice has shut off, but the groaning of loss still filled the car as a man and his two sons take you and Stevie in, saving you from whatever the fuck happened.

And then, in the Impala, your confusion stopped. The only thing heavy on your mind, was knowing that your parents were dead. Gone. And that was it...or was it? 

NOW 2007, SOMEWHERE IN MINNESOTA 

“Y/N?” A voice calls out to you as you squeeze your eyes and grip on the wheel in front of you. “Hey! Are you okay?” 

Jumping in the front seat, your eyes shoot open as you exhale loudly. You blink a few times and look at your surrounds, a boring old gas station, the impala parked in front of you and Stevie sitting just a few inches away. Your hands slowly ungrip the wheel, and place them on your face. Keeping your eyes closed, you try to figure out what that was. 

A dream? You had no idea what’s going on inside your head.

“What the hell just happened?” Stevie asks. “Are you alright?” 

“I…” You don’t know, but you know something weird did happen. Turning to Stevie, you force a smile and nod. “Migraine. Really, really bad migraine. How long was I sleeping like this?” You stare at the car wheel in front of you. 

Stevie chuckles, “You were sleeping? I thought you were just resting your eyes as I got gas. Sam and Dean are in the store, grabbing us coffee too. The motel is right around the corner.” 

“Oh..”

“I got pills my bag. I’ll get them for you, okay?” 

Nodding, you watch Stevie leave the truck, and run to the trunk to get her bag. Leaning back in the seat, you deeply inhale a breath then exhale. Your mind is so fuzzy, like what static on a TV would feel like. It’s early in the morning, the sun still hasn’t come up just yet. You’re not sure how long you’ve been driving or how you even got here. There’s a knock against your window, making you flinch. Turning your head to the left, you see Stevie outside, shaking the pill bottle. You turn off the engine and groggily get out of the truck.

“Time for you to take these,” Stevie hands you the pills. “Then, Sam and I are gonna spend the night in our motel room to study some of these books.” 

“Oh great.” You attempt to smile. “Thanks Vie. Are you and Sam gonna be up all night?” 

“We’ll try not to.”

“Alright, well I’m just gonna lay down try and sleep?” You suggest it to yourself as you’re thinking out loud. After what just happened, you’re not sure if you want to sleep and end up back in the dream, or the hazy memory of that night. 

“You should. But first, we’ll grab dinner. It’ll help with your migraine.” 

Stevie smiles and grabs your bag for you as she leads the way to the motel just around the corner. You heart warms up at your younger sister taking care of you. Every time she does something to make you feel better, a smile forms on your face. If only mom and dad were here to see how good of a person Stevie has grown up to be. Hopping down and out of your truck, you notice Dean by the diner just a few feet away at the corner, holding his duffel bag at his side. He smiles when Stevie approaches him, then huffs out in annoyance as she slams your bag to his chest to carry it for her. You snort out a laugh and walk towards the diner, ready to eat and head into the motel for the day. 

For the rest of the day, and leading into the night, you’re all flipping through books and doing some research on the town you’re in. There’s an odd case, like always and this time it was spirits. A classic hunt. In this life, there was no such thing as actually liking a particular case. But for you, you happen to like figuring out the story and putting every spirit, evil or good, to rest. Sometimes, it’s not about saving the day entirely, it’s about finding peace. 

Sam and Stevie spent the last few hours of the night constantly talking about anything and everything, as you laid on the stiff motel couch in your room. The two of them take over the beds and you look at them, sleeping soundly in piles of books. You can’t take the lower back pain anymore, so you sit up hastily throwing on your grey sweater and leaving the motel room quietly. 

Just next door, on the other side of the walls, Dean sits on his bed with his back against the think wooden headboard. In his hands rough hands, he holds a book up against his chest face down. His head is nodding back and forth, like any second he could fall right over and sleep. He hears a few soft knocks and jumps up, grabbing his gun swiftly and makes his way step by step to the door. Through the peephole, he sees you standing there in the cold. Your posture is hunched over, bags underneath your eyes as your hair is pulled back. You wait for what feels like forever until the door is being pulled back, revealing Dean in a different outfit from earlier today. His flannel that’s painted in greys and blues, loosely hangs on him, an unbuttoned to reveal his typical black shirt. 

“Miss me already?” Dean asks as his arm rests on the cream colored motel room. You roll your eyes and nod your head into the direction of his motel room. He opens the door wider, waving his hand to gesture you to come in. 

“Just a little bit.” You tease, as you walk straight past him and stand in the middle of the room. The colors of every motel are starting to make you nauseous and tired by just looking and being in them. You aren’t sure if you want to sit on the chair, or the edge of his bed...or even sit down at all. 

“Sam kinda fell asleep on Stevie’s bed. And Stevie fell asleep on mine.” 

“Those nerds. Let me guess, books all over the place?” 

“Yeah.” 

The room went silent as the two of you stand in the middle of the room. Avoiding each others eyes, you stand just a feet or two apart, the small motel room not making it easy for you to run away from the tension that reeked between the two of you. You’re best friends, seeing each other and talking shouldn’t be so hard. But here you are, and nothing is ever easy, especially with everything that has been pushed down inside both Dean and you. 

He must notice the way you stay quiet and avoid his eyes. He takes a step forward and furrows his brows. He wants to say something, but he’s not sure how to start. And you...you’re not sure if you want to talk. 

Your mind flashes back to Christmas. The kiss underneath the mistletoe and the moment he stopped you two from indulging into it. Laughing to yourself, you take a step back once you notice he got closer and your fingers start to intertwine with your sweater’s sleeves. You wrap your arms around your stomach for comfort, and to warm yourself up. 

“On Christmas...that night-”

“We don’t have to talk about it.” 

“I want to.” He grabs onto your hand that rests at your waist. You let him take it, and still you look anywhere but at him. A tug on your hand finally makes you look into his eyes, your heart fluttering at his green eyes that glisten in the dim monotone light in the room. His faint freckles hiding, but the more you look the more you start to feel things from a long time ago start rising. 

“Dean.” 

“I shouldn’t have walked away.” He purses his lips. “After we kissed.” 

“Maybe it was the right thing to do.” You say. “We’ve been in each others life for so long-”

“We’ve done things like this before…”

“Yeah I know, and look where it gets us. Things always get tricky, just like it is now,” 

“Is it?”

You furrow your brows at him in question. Is it what? 

“Is it tricky now?” He asks again as he steps forward. You want to look away, but your eyes stay on his. He walks towards you and suddenly you stand up. 

“Uh, I would say so.” You shrug. “Just two years ago, you’re pushing me out and away from you so you can focus on finding John, the demon...Then we see each other again a few months ago and look. You have a deal with a demon, us trying to get back to where we were. Then that damn kiss on Christmas.” 

“Thought you didn’t want to talk about that?”

“I don’t know!” 

Dean looks taken back, his brows now raised as he looks at you with concern. You raise his stare and pierce through his eyes with yours, trying to look as intimidating as him. 

But you fail. He looks at you with empathy, but can be mistaken with sympathy and you scoff. 

“What?”

“Dean, every time… it’s like we never get a chance.” You don’t speak explicitly about what you mean, but he catches on. “Since we were just kids, being close and then getting closer and closer every day, for years. 

“Y/N…”

“No, Dean, It sucks so much. To be hurt from everything, to still be in this life until it takes me out. Losing my parents, not knowing what happened...Losing you. I told you I’m here, but you won’t be here for me.” 

He tries to interrupt again, this time taking another step closer to you. One hand grabbing on your wrist by your waist. 

“You’re you… it’s you. I can’t lose that.” You shake your head, trying to deny it all. The tears you want to so desperately hold back, spills out as your lips tremble at the same rate your heart beings to throb. You lean into his touch, head falling onto his chest. He suddenly pulls you into him and you’re trying to grab onto him like you’re literally about to lose him. “I don’t want to go on without you. Goddamn it, we’ve never...why can’t-”

He shushes you, his hand now rubbing the back of your neck. “I got you.” 

After a few minutes standing in the middle of the room like that, you pull away to look up at him. He bends his head and his hands travel to your face. Wiping the tears away, he looks at you with sadness in his own eyes, the sight of you like this leaves him aching. You gravitate towards him as his eyes suddenly move to your lips. Your chest begins to feel heavy, like you can stop breathing at any second. There’s tears in your eyes as they begin to slowly close, succumbing to the emotions that’s been inside your heart for so long. 

He’s the first one to make the move. His lips gently attach to yours and you lean into it, accepting his mouth on yours. For just a minute, neither of you move. Instead, it’s one long peck until you let out a soft sound in your throat. That’s when you feel it, the spark that you read in every book. The passion behind the kiss finally breaking out of the two of you. He kisses you fervently, moving his mouth with yours. You hear him, a tiny moan behind his lips escapes his mouth and enters yours. 

Though you were so wrapped up into the kiss and Dean’s arms, there’s a voice telling you to stop. It’s not because you don’t want this, god you want this. But it doesn’t seem right. Not when you haven’t been able to confront your own feelings for him, or confront him about it. Shit. You’re not even sure your own best friend feels the same way.   
Maybe this is Dean trying to apologize for the past, or maybe he wants to do this because he wants to leave his mind for a moment. You don’t blame him. Just a small part of you feels like maybe he does love you, more than what the friendship is. But you just press it down, just like with your feelings, because tonight doesn’t seem like it’s a night for feelings. Just the two of you finally indulging into a physical tension you haven’t done since you were eighteen. 

Leaning more hungrily into the kiss, Dean feels your pull away from him but grabs you by the waist tighter once you start taking off your sweater. For a second, he was starting to think that maybe you didn’t want this. But you did, despite the voice inside your head. You miss this, even though you do miss just his friendship more. 

You and Dean seem to feel the exact same way in the moment. Every issue you’ve had in life, current or from the past, has been dropped. Finally, falling into the pit of pure lust, setting any feelings aside. He walks backwards once you got your sweater off and your hands move from his waist, grazing his stomach over his grey shirt. Your hands trail up to his chest and squeeze at his tense shoulders. He moans inside your mouth, kissing you harder as you shove off his faded blue flannel. As he pulls you towards him and his flannel hitting the floor, you push your body into him, gasping into his mouth when you feel his hands drop from your waist and falls just under the crevice of your ass, right at your thighs. Dean responds with a guttural growl once he falls backwards onto the bed, you following suit as you straddle his waist. You feel his hardness in between your legs, swiftly but eagerly, grinding into his lap. He pulls his lips away from you to rest his head in your neck. You huff out shallow breaths as you continue to grind on him, hands on his biceps for balance. 

“Fuck, Y/N…” He says almost desperately as he tightens his grip on your thighs. Your head rests on his shoulder now, lips grazing his neck. Wanting, and needing more of him, your mouth opens and you kiss his neck sloppily. 

“Dean-” You suddenly say once you feel his hips push forward to your grinding. Your hands move from his biceps and trail down to his shirt, pulling it off of him and successfully throwing it off. Falling back, you fall against his chest and you feel him begin to take your long sleeved black shirt off, revealing the dark grey bra you had on underneath. 

He watches you pant with your eyes closed, his heart aching for you. Suddenly, your eyes open once you feel his hands grab your jaw, his thumb brushing your cheeks. In that moment, as he places his plump, reddened lips to yours, your heart stops beating as you freeze up. 

“Y/N?” He breaths out.

You stare down at him, eyebrows crinkled in worry. 

“I think maybe we should stop.” 

You breath out, pulling away from the heated kiss. Dean closes his eyes at your words in disappointment. He leans back up, hands dropping from your face and rests on top of the motel mattress, just beside his legs. He doesn’t look up at you. You try to get him to open his eyes with your hand gently caressing his cheek, but he doesn’t respond with what you’re hoping for. You feel him start to stand up, his hands back on your waist but this time to help you get off his lap. 

Rejection feels undeniably dreadful; doing it and receiving it. You’re both standing in front of each other, slouching in regret and heartache. Your eyes are extremely heavy from exhaustion. Both talking without saying anything to each other, you begin to feel like maybe it’s time for you to leave the motel room and head back. 

“I should just go back to my room.” Your eyes stay on the crunchy, dull carpet. Bending down, you grab your grey sweater off the ground and rush to the door. Before you can even open it Dean calls for your name. 

“Don’t.” He quickly says. He doesn't want you to be the one walking away this time. Not like him, you're better than that, better than him - he thinks. “I mean, Sam and Stevie are knocked out. What are you gonna do, sleep on the floor.” 

You notice him trying to ease the tension that fills the empty spaces between and around you two. Forcing a smile and shaking your head, you throw on your sweater and walk over to the other bed. 

“Night Dean.” 

“Yeah…” He whispers. “Good night, Y/N.” 

There’s no more words for the rest of the night. No more stares in each others eyes or gentle and rough touches. Dean’s laying down in one bed, you in the other. Your back turned to him with your head buried into the flat pillows. Although you can’t see him, you feel his stare on you. You wish it didn’t stop, but you also wish for it to go further. Everything becoming fuzzy, confusing starts to make you cry silently to yourself. The source of your feelings of belonging slowly drifting away, and you become scared of losing Dean and everything you’ve ever known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so...the next chapter won't be for a while. I'm thinking the beginning of march at least! i'm in college, so i have a lot of homework assignments to catch up on and finish. I'll also try pre-writing some chapters and edit them, that way I don't leave you all hanging :)


	12. When I'm Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after what happened, Reader and Dean struggle with not dealing with things alone, and gets a troubling call from someone important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter!! the next chapter won't be written and posted sometime in the beginning of march. i'm SO EXCITED and nervous for the next chapter, especially the next few chapters too. 
> 
> really pleased with how my fic is turning out and I hope you're loving it! 
> 
> tell me what you think <3 see you soon

The next day, you made sure to not bring up anything that happened last night. Not to Dean and definitely not with Sam and Stevie. You’re currently thankful that your heater is broken in your truck, so that you don’t need to dance around whatever is going on between you and Dean. You made sure he would work on fixing it today, so that you wouldn’t be cold on the road anymore. In the early morning, you spent it buying coffee and some little breakfast foods at a gas station for everyone. You needed some time alone to digest what the hell happened the other day, both in your head and with Dean. But that’s a problem. You never knew how to digest and lay back. It’s always sleep that takes you away from it all, but now...you’re not even sure that sleep will help you anymore.

The day so far, you and Dean put space between you. It's the front of being okay that both of you put up. It stretches all the way back from every first you shared together. First kiss together, the first time you’ve done it together in the back of his impala. The first major fight when he told you to leave him and his problems alone because he wanted to keep you and Stevie safe. It’s also the conversation about Christmas day, and what happened after that night. All of it makes you both feel overwhelmed with worry. Heart aches, too.

Stevie and Sam are out of the loop. The only thing they’ve noticed for weeks, is the space and constant avoidance between the two of you. You’re sure though that your sister will eventually figure it out, or she’ll pry it out of you. Sucking it up, and not for solely needing Dean to fix your heater in the truck, you didn’t want whatever days or weeks you’ve had left with him to be wasted away.

In the cold, you’re standing outside in the parking lot, holding on to the open truck door and resting on the window sill opening. The car is cold, making you shiver but you stay there, using your arm to protect your chin from it. You watch Dean’s body lay on the seats, his dark sage button up rising up, showing a little skin on his back and the side of his stomach. You bite your lip from smiling at the sight and roll your eyes.

“I swear, Winchester, if you didn’t get the heat to work-”

“Why are you doubting me?” His voice is muffled at his head is hidden by leaning down as he sits in your truck’s front seat. You hear the slight playfulness in his voice echo.

“Not doubting you,” you laugh, “I’m just saying, if you don’t fix it, I’m never coming to you for anything again. Especially if it involves the one thing I have.”

Dean smiles to himself as he hears your laugh. He raises from leaning and sits back in the driver’s seat. You tilt your head, silently asking if he had finished fixing the heater in your truck. Your eyes observe his face, then suddenly you become nervous as his stare doesn’t budge. Little do you know, he’s admiring your lips as they’re pulled upward into a grin.

“Hey, you alright?”

“Just peachy.” Dean sarcastically smiles, as he climbs out of your truck and wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

“I know that look. What’s up?”

“I gotta be honest.” He begins to speak. You stand in front of him, heart beginning to sink down in your chest, unsure of what he might say. But, you’re set on the possibility that he’s about to bring up the kiss from just a few weeks ago. He slams your truck door closed and leans against it, folding his arms against his chest.

“That demon-”

“Ruby, right?” You squint at him. On the inside, you’re so glad he’s not bringing up the conversation from yesterday, or the kiss. Instead, he brings up Ruby, the demon that suddenly has been popping up in Sam’s life, and now yours.

“Sam seems to kinda trust her. What’s her story?”

“She wants to help fight every demon after I die. Help Sam, prepare for this war once I’m gone.”

You close your eyes and frown. Once he’s gone. It’s beginning to feel real, his deal and his eventual death. It hurts too much. Shaking your head to rid your thoughts, you sigh and join him at the end of the impala.

“What about you? You trust her?”

“She’s a demon.”

“No shit.” You smile, then quickly put on a straight face. “Look, you’re telling me all about her now for a reason, and you haven’t killed her. I didn’t even kill her either when I knew she clearly kept pissing you off. So, why’s she still alive? I thought we kill things like her.”

“Ruby...she told me she’d help save me. From hell, from dying. But the thing is, she can’t. Hell does things to people. Their humanity, everything about them that makes them human is ripped away. You become one of them. And Ruby... I think she’s starting to remember what it’s like to be human. So, when I’m gone, she’ll be there right along Sam.”

“Oh…” It’s a lot to take in.

You’re not just finding out about the demons and Ruby and what it’ll be like after he dies. You just aren’t thinking about the rest of the world. The only thing that's occupying your mind, is the dreams, or the memory of that night with your parents death, and what it’ll be like to lose Dean soon.

“I wanna know,” Dean slides over to you on the back of the impala, “will you be sticking around? You and Stevie, with Sam? After I’m gone.”

You look down at the ground and bite your lip hard. Wincing quickly at the pain, you furrow your brows and looking back to him and shrug.

“We’re a damn family. I already told you, Sam doesn’t need to go through this alone. When you’re gone...jesus Dean, it’s gonna hurt all of us. So I can just imagine how it might feel on your end. And I meant it when I say you don’t need to be alone either. Not right now.”

“Are you going to take your own advice?” He smiles crookedly and nods his head over to you.

“Well, I’m standing here aren’t I?”

“You are…” He says confused.

“And I’m still here with you. And Sam. So I’m saying it’s a start. I don’t want to deal with things alone anymore, especially with what’s going on in my head. I know what it’s like, Dean. I know what it’s like to feel lost. Not knowing and pretending things are okay.”

“Okay.” Dean stares at you intently, his eyes piercing into yours as he begins to understands you. “Are you alright? Talk to me.”

You hesitate for a few seconds. Although you don’t want to become a hypocrite, you just can’t make sense of everything you’re feeling anymore. But maybe trying to think out loud will make things clearer, even if it’s not entirely cleared.

“I don’t know? I...I’ve been thinking about my parent’s deaths. That night seems so far away and I can’t remember.”

“Why would you want to remember?”

“I don’t know. I want to tell you something. I haven’t told Stevie, I don’t think she could be much of help or I just don’t want to bother her with it. Dean, I don’t think I remember everything that happened that night. Or what I remember might not be the truth.”

Dean smiles suspiciously and raises his brows in curiosity. He’s not sure how to take in what you told him, and you’re not sure if you should’ve said what you just said. Biting your lip, you take a step back and lean on your truck standing right next to him.

“What do you mean, ‘might not be the truth’, Y/N?”

You’re shaking your head, “I don’t know, Dean. Maybe when I was young I repressed all that shit down to stop be from remembering the night and, and.. I’m finally remembering?”

“Do you not remember things at all?”

You shrug, “There’s this feeling, in my head. My goddamn stomach like...like, I don’t know, like an intuition. But I don’t even know what it is. I-I think I need to see if your dad wrote anything in his journal that night.”

“Why?” He squints. “Dad only wrote about his cases, stuff he learned about all kinds of monster crap. Your parents...I mean, they died in some fire.”

“Dean, nothing adds up anymore. Just listen.” You plead. “Maybe he wrote something that can help me remember. Put my mind at ease. But I’m telling you, why did you, your dad and Sam show up that night?”

“Dad got a call from Bobby. Said his friends were in need of some help on a case. Turned out to be your parents.”

Your eyes falter to the ground. The wheels turning in your head, trying to make sense of things, trying to understand everything. There are things slowly popping up in your head, questioning the most traumatic thing you’ve seen - or think you’ve seen - which makes you instantly doubt that night. You blink a few times to try and keep the tears at bay. Dean stares at you, his body twisting to take his back of your truck and lean with his shoulder instead.

“Look, if you want to start digging, get to the bottom of things… I can lend you my dad’s journal. We can talk to Bobby. I’ll be here, for as long as I can. Figure it out together, okay?”

You glare up at him and shoot him an empathetic look as your heart keeps sinking every time you think about Dean’s future. You’re set on knowing that whatever your head is trying to tell you, these dreams or whatever they are are trying to tell you, will take a long time. And you’re sure that Dean won’t be here for all of it.

“Hey,” Dean shakes his head and slides closer to you, his back now off your truck. “Don’t do that okay?”

“Do what?”

“Shut down, shoot me looks with those eyes. I can’t…”

“Okay,” You scoff. “Now you don’t do that.”

“Do what?” This time he asks.

“Every time we talk about us. You quickly shoot me down and say ‘I can’t’, then you run away. What were we just talking about?”

Dean stares at you in disbelief and you stare right back at him. Great, you think. You’re being stubborn and so is he. And now, just like what you never want, you’re being hypocrite. Preaching for him to open up and not to be alone, you’re doing the same. He knows what you’re thinking, and you know that he knows.

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get all mad...there’s just so much going on inside my head. I don’t even know how to deal with it.”

“I get it.” Dean grabs your wrist, gently, and holds it. “You told me that I shouldn’t be alone, deal with it all by myself. And you shouldn’t either, alright?”

“Yeah…”

Like always, his eyes are leering into yours with a yearn. A yearn to pull you into his chest and hold and comfort you and himself. But also, to tell you he loves you without saying it. And you… you want nothing but to kiss him again, but you’re starting to get scared of getting close to him. And every time the moment presents itself to you or him, for another kiss or a confession, something always gets in the way. 

“I think we should talk.” You say.

“About what happened the other night?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m just afraid, okay?” His brows furrow, lips softly pressed together as you speak. “I can’t lose you, and I can’t lo-”

His phone starts ringing, interrupting the conversation that’s pretty much filled with stubbornness from the two of you. He breathes out and gives you a empathetic smile, before swiftly answering the call.

“Bobby!” He pauses to let him speak. He’s looking at the empty field just behind the two of you. The sun is setting, illuminating the fields of faded, dead grass and making your faces shine with soft hues of pinks and purples, a dark blue sky fading into them.

“What? Okay…uh, thank you.”

He sighs, closing his eyes and tightening his jaw. He’s always been readable. Easy to see when something is wrong but you never know what was on his mind exactly. You reach out for him, a hand grasping onto his forearm and giving it a firm squeeze. He looks down at you, his face stoic and his eyes glistening with sadness. Your heart begins to panic, hoping that it’s only Bobby on the other side of the phone and needed help with a difficult case.

“Dean?”

“It’s Bobby. He’s...he’s in the hospital. It’s bad.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is the beginning of my new fic! dean x reader, season 3 episode 7! can't wait to write and upload more!!


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